Top 4 Baby Names of 2017

As a 21 year old young man who can barely dress himself in the morning, I do not plan on starting a family for a very long time. With that being said, I’m always on the prowl for potential baby names. Below I have compiled my top 4 baby names as of today, as they constantly change with my mood and the weather.

1.  Hitler

No matter what your views are on mass genocide and attempting to take over the world, it would be a hall of fame power move to name your son (or daughter) Hitler. Can you imagine the first day of kindergarten, or high school graduation? The shock value alone would be worth being awful parents. This is also a great opportunity to avenge the name. Hitler has been a name that has been untouchable for the last 80 years. No one will go near it. But imagine of little baby Hitler goes on to be the doctor that cures cancer, or becomes the next great sports legend? College kids love wearing controversial jerseys, and this would take it to a whole new level. No one will fuck with the kid wearing the Hitler Jersey during the day drink, especially if he goes on to play for the Miami Heat, or the Edmonton Oilers.  Huge market for that. On the other hand that would cause a lot of confusion in history classes, would need to clarify whenever you mention the name. The idea needs to be work shopped but I think that I’m on to something.

2. Lebron

This is just smart marketing. Guess who’s never getting picked last in pick-up basketball? Guess who’s resume is getting looked over twice? That’s right, Lebron. Imagine him playing high school basketball and the other team seeing his name on the program. Absolute mental warefare. Borderline illegal.

3. Jesus

Sort of along the same lines as naming your child Hitler, but completely different. It puts a lot of pressure on your kid to be the next savior, and nothing ever goes wrong when you put unrealistic pressure on kids at a young age. Look at Michael Jackson, nothing wrong with him. Also since Jesus is the son of God (allegedly) it kind of sort of implies that you in fact are God. So yes, naming your child Jesus might be a little ego driven, but does have a lot of upside.

4. Any other normal name because you aren’t an asshole and want your kids to have a normal childhood.

See above^.

 

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