Life Advice

I need a babysitter

This has been on my mind for a while and I’ve finally mustered up the strength to open up. I need a babysitter. A caregiver. Something between a hospice nurse and a special ed teacher. I’m an overgrown Kevin McCallister. A little boy trapped in the body of a savage. Its hell. That’s why I’m starting the search to hire my own nanny.

At the bottom of the page is a link to the application to become my nanny. If you are interested in interviewing for the position, please fill out the form, and I will get back to you as soon as possible. A high level overview of the job include:

  • Rubbing my back until I fall asleep
  • Holding my hand and walking me to my classes
  • Cleaning my room
  • Actively manage my Tinder Account
  • Stop me from drunk texting girls at 2am
  • Talk me up/introduce me to your hot friends

The interview process will be rigorous and competitive, but the reward of taking care of a 21 year old infant will be well worth it. This is not a joke, I will literally be holding interviews.

0 comments on “I need a babysitter

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: