Lamar Odom just dropped the most savage “tell all” interview in the history of spoken word

Lamar Odom dropped a tell all interview with US Weekly and let me tell you that man did not hold back. Who would have thought the man who almost died from hookers, viagra, and crack would lack self control? You can read the whole article here, but for this blog, I’m just going to focus on the big pieces. (quotes from the article are italicized)

Take Us back to the start of your marriage. Was Khloé aware of your drug use?

I was hiding it for a while, but then I got frustrated and was like, f–k it. Around two years before we split up [in 2011], I was in the man cave she had made for me and she caught me. She was disappointed. So was I. The sad thing about it is, I don’t know if I was disappointed because I was actually doing the drug or because she caught me. She knew I was doing cocaine the whole time after that. It was my drug of choice.

Man caves are deadly. I assume that they’re the reason for most divorces. As a wife you just can’t give a man that type of freedom, because let me tell you we will abuse it. You give an inch he’ll take a mile. You give him a man cave, he’ll start railing coke lines and fucking hookers (but probably only if you marry Lamar Odom). That’s just biology. That’s just guys being dudes. Shooters shooting.

Do you regret sharing your ­marriage on TV?

Businesswise, it opened up opportunities, like the fragrance Khloé and I created. We probably cursed it by calling it Unbreakable, but that was my baby. It also opened this gate up with other women who probably wouldn’t have been interested in me. When I became Khloé Kardash­ian’s man and on TV, it made me look more enticing.

Just your typical “turn my marriage into a business through which I leverage to meet and bang other chicks” case study. That’s freshman year business school shit. That’s just being business savvy. Game recognize game.

You mean other women?

Yes. Bitches and THOTs came out of the woodwork. If there is one thing I regret when I was married, it was having multiple affairs with different women. That wasn’t the stand-up thing to do. I wish I could have kept my d–k in my pants.

I’m not saying that this might be my new all time favorite quote, but this is my new all time favorite quote. Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than bitches and THOTs coming out the woodwork. Just a huge hassle and inconvenience. A carpenter’s worst nightmare. Also how about Lamar basically saying the one thing he regrets about ruining his marriage is ruining his marriage. I can’t hate though. One of my bucket list items is be able to get interviewed by a major magazine and say “I wish I could have kept my dick in my pants”. Not many people get to say that. Congrats on the sex, Lamar.

Tell Us about the night you ended up at the brothel.

I was home by myself. Bored. I wanted to get out and have a good time. Looking back, I might have had a drink to get the mood started, but was I drunk or on drugs? Not at all. I remember lying in bed. Two women were in bed and then I fell asleep. That’s all. When I woke up four days later, I was trying to pull the tubes out of my mouth.

This might be the worst attempt to lie I have ever seen. No man in history has had one beer then decided to a brothel. A four loko? Maybe. But not one beer. Like Lamar, you’re telling me you had one beer, went to a brothel, then immediately fell asleep only to wake up for days later? I pray that you’re lying because that might be possibly the worst weekend ever. Its like when you pass out while pregaming but times a billion.

 

The rest of the article is a bunch of inspirational shit about how his life is coming back together that I didn’t read.

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