Breaking down your high school reading list

There are two things in life that I read: Defenses and books. And when I’m not reading zone coverage I’m reading classic novels. I’m a walking Scholastic Book Fair. My favorite reads are the classics. The high school reading list. Because of that, I’m gonna break it down. Sparknotes on crack. My all time favorite books:

Lord of the Flies

This is a book about guys being dudes. Island life. Its also about absolute savagery. If you don’t know what its about, it basically a group of boys end up alone on an island when their plane crashes and the pilot dies. Its starts out all fun and games until they start hunting each other and shit gets wild.

The reason I like this book is because its one of my all time fantasies. I would love being in that situation. Mostly because I would be absolutely dominant. Playing mind games on other kids. Stabbing people in the back. Making back alley deals. Mental warfare at its finest. Its basically just a new season of Survivor. I also love manhunt. An absolute all time game. The true measure of finesse and brain power.

To Kill a Mockingbird 

Just your classic tale about racism and rape. I’m pretty sure Harper Lee wrote the book just for an excuse to write the N word a bunch of times. Its not racist if its an American Classic. That’s just basic literature knowledge. Also Atticus Finch is an all time dad. Just a big time wisdom guy. Dropping knowledge all over Scout and Gem. Huge DILF. I also cannot stand Dill. Way too clingy for my liking. Nothing worse than someone who over stays their visit. Someone who doesn’t know when to leave. Fuck off Dill.

Also kind of underrated how half the book is about the three kids playfully terrorizing a retard. I use that term hesitantly because Boo Radley will be me when I’m older. When the Four Lokos finally catch up to me and I just lose it. Stabbing people with scissors. Getting heckled by the neighborhood kids. I can’t wait to grow up.

The Giver

Not to ruin your childhood but the Giver was 100% a pedophile. Oh, you know all the secrets of the world and want to bring a young boy back to your secluded house. I’ve heard that one before. Fell for that once, not gonna happen again. Chris Hanson’s worst nightmare.

Romeo and Juliet

I’ll do just about anything to get the attention of girls (such as start a blog and post 5 times a day) but I think I draw the line at killing myself. Juliet must have been an absolute smoke. You don’t kill yourself for a 7. That’s not how life works.

1984

1984 is about a society where everyone is watched by “Big Brother” at all times, and “The Party” controls all aspects of life and suppresses any opposing thoughts. Let me put this out there, if someone watched what I did when I was alone they would shit themselves. They’d be in an insane asylum by Tuesday. Just unspeakable things go on in my room. So I would love to live in this society just to see the looks on people’s faces when they see what I do when I’m by myself. Nightmare shit.

So yeah, books are tight. Whats up girls, I read.

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