This may come as a shock, being the alpha male that I am, but I want to settle down one day. Hang up the skates. Put my jersey in the rafters. Maybe do a farewell tour. The issue is I have pretty high standards for this eventual life partner. Some might say too high. But I won’t budge. I want to build an empire. The next powerful family in America. Think Kennedy’s. Think Kardashians. Although that would make me Bruce (Caitlin) so idk. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But anyway, I will share with you my qualities for my dream girl, and let you decide if they are too high, even for a show stopper like myself
1. Good Cook
I know this comes off stereotypical and 1950ish, but hear me out. The hot pocket and dominoes diet is great for me right now. I’m thriving off of it. Gives me the energy I need to keep my head on a swivel all day. To stay woke 24/7. To take risks. That being said, my lifestyle will change when I settle down. I won’t need to carboload as much. My body won’t be my temple, it will be OUR temple. So my wife should be invested in my diet.
2. Good cleaner
This also comes off stereotypical but I need a wife who can clean. I physically cannot clean. I don’t know how to. Growing up my mom would try to make me clean my own room, but I would purposely do a bad job so she would just do it herself. I actually still do that. Old hockey trick to do a bad job at something so you don’t get asked to do it again. Just a savvy move by me. Playing puppets. Businessman mentality from a young age.
3. A good mother
Yea it will be important that my wife is a good mother to our children, but its more important that she’s a good mother to me. I need a motherly figure in my life. I live 15 miles away from my mom and it is hell. I’m just a lost puppy living in Roxbury. Chasing cars and dreams. So if we end up living somewhat far away from my parents I need someone to be my mom.
4. Someone who won’t get fat
Is this shallow? Yes. But its important to me. Someone who can maintain the low key thiccc lifestyle without going overboard. I need a positive return. A high return on investment. I see big picture. That’s my trading desk mentality. Buy low sell high.
5. Someone who loves for me for who I am.
I’m a show-stopper. I give off a celebrity vibe. I understand that can be overwhelming to some women. And some women just want me to come along for the ride. To hop up on the blog train. I get it. But I need someone who wants me for more than that. For the real me. The me that only few will ever see. You know who you are.
Anyway, if you fit this description, my insta DM’s are open. HMU.