Weird News

Cowardly experts advise against walking on escalators published an article today citing that it is dangerous to other people to walk on escalators.


These “experts” are wrong for two reasons:

First, they are wrong to assume that I care about other people’s safety, especially when it comes to public transportation and public places. They state above that its “seizing an advantage at the expense of other people’s safety”. Yea not shit. That’s what I live for. That’s music to my ears. That’s my heroin. If I can put someone else’s life at risk while bettering myself, I consider that a win in my book. I take any advantage I can. If you can’t handle it take the elevator, coward.

Secondly, I am 100% team walk on the elevator. My life moves too fast. I need my legs to move at the same pace as my mind. People are also gross, so if you think I’m spending more time than I should being shoulder to shoulder with a homeless man you are a lunatic. Elevators literally take people to the top, and I’m trying to get to the top first. That’s how I’m wired. That’s my protein shake mentality. Creatine lifestyle.

So yea, this is the stupidest thing I’ve heard all day, and that says a lot since I took the orange line to campus today. I’m not sure what the vetting process is to classify someone as an expert, but we need to be better. I thing this is a place where we can all agree that we need “extreme vetting”. Figure it out.

1 comment on “Cowardly experts advise against walking on escalators

  1. Haha yeah… I feel like this is someone sitting in a room by themselves analyzing the best mathematical route to get somewhere the quickest. But this isn’t real life. I take the train to work (In Los Angeles) every day and I fully agree that.. NOPE I’m not standing next to some of these people longer than I have to and at the end of the day, if you want to be getting somewhere faster you’re going to walk up the escalator, run to the train and avoid smelling like barf in the process. Good read. Thanks for shedding some humanity on a dumb, dumb “statistic”.

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