You’re stupid if you think Aaron Hernandez killed himself

So it came out today that Aaron Hernandez “hung himself”, just days after being found not guilty for 2 murders. I’m not into conspiracies but this just doesn’t make sense to me. It doesn’t add up. You don’t grow up an absolute thug, play football for the New England Patriots, kill people (allegedly), all to just kill yourself like an overweight teenage girl. This isn’t the new season of “13 Reasons Why” (I haven’t watched the show I just know its about suicide).

I know this is not true because I can put myself in Aaron Hernandez’s shoes. We’re not that different actually. We both live the bad boy life. He killed multiple people, I was 3 minutes late to class today. Only difference is I’m better at not getting caught. That’s me being nimble and quick on my feet. We also both possess jackhammer mentalities, only difference is he used his gift for evil, where I use mine to better myself and the world around me. So yea, I can put myself inside the head of a killer, and because of that, here are some reasons why this doesn’t make sense:

1. Aaron is way to thug to kill himself with a bed sheet

If I know Hernandez like I think I do, there’s no way this is the way he goes out. Aaron Hernandez always maintained a tough guy persona. A hard criminal face. But no matter how much street cred you have, its impossible not to look like sort of a pussy if you die via bed sheet. Aaron Hernandez died via a Bed Bath and Beyond Product. Out of all the NFL hits he took, and bullets he dodged, the thing that got him my mom has a coupon for. That doesn’t feel right.

2. Why would he kill himself after being found not guilty for 2/3 murders

Before his death, Hernandez was putting up the best stats of his lifetime. He was 2/3 on beating murder charges that literally everyone knows for a fact he did. He was about to go for the triple crown. Reverse the curse. Throw a perfect game. Why would he end it on that? He was a juror away from taking Gillette this September. Why would he walk away from the Craps Table this hot? Whom’s mans is this?

3. No way Hernandez is mechanically inclined enough to pull that off

I think we can all agree Hernandez wasn’t the brightest bulb. I don’t think he focused that much on his studies in Florida, and I doubt he got in there due to his academic merit. I find it hard to believe that Aaron had a strong enough grasp on the concepts of physics and leverage to figure out how to hang himself with a bed sheet. Not even that. There’s no way he could have figured out how to tie that strong of a knot. He’s a big boy, and I would think prison bed sheets are about as strong as my sunken chest. The list keeps growing.

4. I would not discount Bill Belichick being behind this

I really don’t know why Bill would be involved in this, but then again, how many times have we questioned his decisions only to be proved wrong with 5 Lombardi trophies. So yea, right now it doesn’t make sense, but you know what else didn’t make sense at the time? Releasing Lawyer Malloy, trading Richard Seymour, letting Assante Samuel walk, drafting an underdeveloped backup QB from Michigan. I trust him.

So RIP Aaron Hernandez, you crazy bastard.

 

 

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