So the other day, I went to update my Facebook page for the website and noticed that I had a new message. I didn’t think twice. Nothing new here. My DM’s are a water park with all the girls sliding in. Its a gift and a curse. Its something I’ve learned to live with. Anyway, when I opened the message, I was immediately flustered. Here’s how the conversation began:
I’ll give her a 2/10 for spelling and grammar, but an 11/10 for shooting her shot. It took me a while to understand what she was asking, as her writing skills are on par with Helen Keller, but I eventually realized that she was interested in buying the frame of my twin bed. Either she thinks that my page and blog are dedicated to selling a small bed, or she wants a piece of history. I’m still not sure. With so much to find out and so many questions to ask, I took the time to think out a thoughtful response to the inquiry:
Ok, maybe not. But at the time I was speechless. I had no clue who I was dealing with. Who looks to buy a bed frame via Facebook? I looked at her profile and she’s from Texas. Does she not understand the logistics of flying a 20 year old bed frame across the country? I actually respect it. She knows a good bed when she sees one. Real recognize real. Twin bed recognize twin bed. Anyways, here was her response to my thought provoking question:
At this point I realized her grammar wasn’t going to get any stronger. The fact that she was able to either spell a word wrong or use a word incorrectly with every word of her sentence and still be able to communicate her point was absolutely stunning in its own right. Now her agenda was obvious. She was talking business. I realized we were in a virtual board room. Everything was on the line. I immediately went full shark tank. My Mark Cuban mentality came to life. Running the numbers. Forecasting data. Chasing Alpha. The business man inside me was alive and well.
I decided to play ball. After some advanced financial modeling and consulting with my own keen business sense, I responded with force:
She still hasn’t read the last message and I’m still waiting for a response, but I am all in on selling my bed frame. If I’m able to sell my twin bed frame to a girl in Texas for $150, I might be the best salesman in the world. I’m not joking either. I’ll sell it in a heartbeat. My bed frame is a luxury that I can live without. Yea it supports my bed, but does it support the troops? Probably not. Can’t have that in my bedroom. Sure it holds me up at night, but you know what else keeps me up at night? ISIS. Hmm. What a coincidence. So yes, Ma’am, you can have my draft dodging, ISIS loving bed frame. Just send me over my $150 and expect a visit from the National Guard soon. These colors don’t run, and neither do I.