Life Advice

My official songs of the summer

Everyone knows a good playlist can make or break a summer. A good playlist can immediately upgrade your cookout to a full on grill and chill. It will turn a day drink to a darty just like that. This is where I come in. If you don’t know, I’m a bit of a music connoisseur. Steve Aoiki but a little less Asian. DJ Khaled but with smaller love handles. Because of how selfless I am, I have decided to release my top jams of the summer. Some are ones that you might expect, and others are a bit nontraditional.

I’m The One; DJ Khaled, Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, Lil Wayne

Like the end of a porno, you knew this was coming. A straight up no-brainer. Just an absolute gang bang of talent. I’m still not sure what DJ Khaled does exactly, but goddammit does he do it well. DJ Khaled might be the best ever at existing. He doesn’t need to be involved in the video, but at the same time it would be nothing without him. Bieber is killing the bleached hair game. Early 2000’s Eminem with more sex appeal. Chance’s sweatshirt is a 10/10. Animal print is so in. Also, upset of the year that Lil Wayne is still alive. The guy has more drugs inside him than a CVS. Weezy is proving people wrong everyday by just waking up. Sort of like myself. Weezy F Baby and the F is for Four Loko Fast Life.

The song itself is in a world of its own. The song goes with any activity. No matter what you are doing you can’t be in a bad mood. If you played this song over video footage of 9/11, it would look like a romantic comedy.

The National Anthem

Everyone knows a good playlist needs a throwback, and this one fits perfectly. If you think about it, the National Anthem was the original country song. Literally a song about a country. Toby Keith, Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney, and all the other country singers are all derivatives (word of the day) of Francis Scott Key. Try that one on for size.

If you really think about it, every professional sporting event starts with a free concert. Keep that in mind next time you complain about ticket prices. That 2/1 deal is a steal. My only complaint about the National Anthem is that its a bit outdated. I need some remixes. I need dubstep version done by Kygo, and an Ed Sheeran acoustic version. Yes I know Ed Sheeran is British but so were the pilgrims.

That’s What I Like: Bruno Mars

Along with TLC, Bruno Mars has put midgets back on the map. Bruno Mars would get lost in my twin bed. A lot of people compare Bruno Mars to Michael Jackson, which makes sense, because much like MJ, this song touched a lot of people.

Bodies: Drowning Pool

Just a classic drinking song. This song goes hard. Whenever I hear this song, I’m not sure whether I want to drink or kill myself. That’s how you know its special. Whether you’re having a power hour with the boys, or planning a school shooting, this song will get you hyped. An anthem for every occasion.

Donald Trump; Mac Miller

Deal with it. (Also I think this is now Russia’s National Anthem? Boom. Roasted)

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