A family’s pet lion bit their son and there’s only one solution

A teenager is recovering in hospital after it was attacked by his family’s pet lion.

The big cat is owned by the 15-year-old called Diniil’s uncle and pounced on him as he returned to the family home. His uncle Eghish Eroyan insists the lion is friendly and would only have been playing, but Diniil suffered wounds to his buttocks, hips and right hand.

Diniil was coming home after sports practice when the lioness, named Maya, got out of the house when she squeezed through the door as the family’s pet dogs were being let out for a run. The boy, shocked at the sight of the lion bounding towards him, panicked and ran. Maya quickly caught him up and brought him down, in the city of Saratov in south-western Russia.

My straight up gut reaction to this article was you 100% have to get rid of this kid. Since then, my decision has not changed. Get this kid out of your family ASAP. Imagine if your family had a pet lion who everyone loved only to have it attack you? That’s on you, not the lion. This is 100% the kid’s fault for getting attacked. Be better. Every pet owner knows you have to let your pet know who’s boss. Let them know who’s in charge. Clearly this kid doesn’t know how to train a pet.

Either that or the kid straight up sucks. Maybe he just has an unlikable face. I know that’s just bad luck and genetics, but you have to give him the boot regardless. After reading the article, I put some deeper thought on to whether get rid of the lion or the kid, and made a pros and cons list for keeping and getting rid of each. See below:

Pro’s for keeping your son:

  • You have someone to do yard work and shovel
  • He could grow up to be something cool and you could ride off of his success
  • You have someone to yell at
  • He kind of looks like you which is sort of cool
  • Better than having a daughter

Cons for keeping your son:

  • You have to pay for everything
  • College isn’t cheap
  • He seems like kind of a pussy from the article. That’s a bad reflection on you
  • He doesn’t seem to get along with your pet lion
  • He might be gay (not necessarily a con in itself, but his clothes are going to be expensive, and he’ll probably be a bit of a drama queen)

Not looking great for the kid as of right now. Lets weigh the pro’s and cons of keeping the pet lion:

Pros for keeping your pet lion:

  • You can give your lion piggy backs (seen below)

lion piggy back

  • You can drive around with your lion in your pick up truck (seen below)

lion in truck

  • You don’t have to pay for your lion to go to college (pending his SAT scores)
  • Your lion won’t grow up to be a failure
  • You get to be a cat owner without looking like a lesbian
  • Instant street cred

Cons for keeping your pet lion:

  • He could potentially eat you and your entire family
  • I assume he shits everywhere
  • Probably sheds a lot
  • I fell like lion food is a pain to find
  • I’m not sure if its legal to own a lion?

After weighing out all the pros and cons of both sides, my decision still stands. Hit the orphanage bright and early tomorrow. You might even have to kill your kid. Call it a late term abortion. If you put it that way, then its your choice to do it. Pretty sure that will hold up in court. Your body your choice.

 

 

 

 

 

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