Weird News

Fascist government shuts down local sex club registered as a church. Capitalism is dead.

Undercover inspectors have determined that a building registered as a church was being operated as a sex club. WTVF-TV reports ( that the city of Nashville has filed a complaint against the owners for “maintaining a public nuisance by permitting acts of lewd conduct” and violating a state law banning sex clubs from operating within 1,000 feet of a school.

The longtime downtown swingers club underwent a conversion in 2015 when it relocated to a run-down office park in the community of Madison, calling itself a church because the new location is near the back of the private Goodpasture Christian School.

Just another sad example of government intervention of the free market. Its sad that this is the America that we now live in. Is capitalism even capitalism if you can’t open a sex club whiling making it look like a church? Probably. Nonetheless, churches and sex have gone hand and hand for centuries. If you ask me, this is an all-time great business model. Church sex clubs are basically the new version of fusion restaurants. Its like when a restaurant incorporates Mexican food with Italian food, except here they incorporated lap dances with rosary beads. That’s innovation that will push this country forward.

It honestly stuns me more that it took us this long to start sex clubs in churches. Churches will never admit this, but they’ve been selling sex for years, in their own way. You mean to tell me that they display a ripped and tan guy with long hair on a cross in the front of ever church for no reason? They know damn well what they’re doing. When did the church decide to start portraying Jesus as a male model? I’ll say it because no one else will. Jesus is hot. He brings the heat every Sunday. Which really doesn’t make sense. What’s up with him having a six pack? I doubt there was a Planet Fitness in Jerusalem. I’m pretty sure Jesus didn’t have a Boflex in his clay basement. Throughout all my years in Catholic school, I’ve taken enough Religion classes to tell you that the numbers don’t add up.

Jesus and I actually have the same diet, so its hard for me to believe that he looks that much better than me. From what I’ve read, Jesus was a huge carb guy. Real recognize real. Prophet recognize prophet. His meal plan consisted of bread and wine. How was Jesus crushing boxes of Franzia (Sunset Blush I assume) and eating white bread while simultaneously keeping his body fat at 10%? I’m not buying it.

My favorite part of the whole story is that the business owners went all in and opened the sex club right behind a Catholic Elementary school. That’s just next level project management. Huge wins for the dads of the students. Like, oh you’re a few minutes early to pick up your son from school? Guess who’s taking advantage of the early bird special. The next Christmas concert is about to empty. I can picture all the dads insisting to their wives on dropping them off and parking the car. “Yea I’ll meet you in there honey”, only to walk in smelling like Macy’s perfume 45 minutes later. Blame it on the traffic. Deny Deny Deny.

So shame on the city of Nashville for shutting down what could have been the next unicorn company. Shame on them for discouraging entrepreneurship. Fascism at its finest. Nevertheless, we persist. #NotMyChurchSexClub


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