Bury me in a Man Romper

Over the last 48 hours, male rompers have taken over the internet. Millions of people are losing their minds, and thousands of different opinions have flooded the interweb. Lots of different takes from lots of different people, so here’s mine:

Male rompers make me want to kill myself…..So I can be buried in one and wear it for eternity. I am 110% in on male rompers. Everyone knows I preach fashion and function, and man rompers are the definition of that. My dancer legs in these rompers will be a borderline crime against humanity this summer. Can you say “Bad Bitch Alert”? I’ve spent all day trying to figure out a downside to these, and I have yet to find one. I just did my clothes shopping for the summer last week and I am pissed. I could have avoided having to pick out a bunch of shirts and shorts and just went to one store and grabbed 5 different rompers.

For functionality, man rompers make too much sense. It checks all the boxes, including you’re girlfriend’s.  I’m tempted to burn all of my clothes right now and live my life just rotating between rompers. I could finally live the commando lifestyle I’ve always dreamed of, and would always be less than 3 maneuvers away from being naked. Some simple minded people complain that it would be a pain to pee, but obviously we don’t think on the same level. The shorts are short enough that you can easily just pee down your leg. That’s so simplistic its unfair. No more waiting in bathroom lines for this guy. Peeing down your leg is barbaric, and a true sign of manliness. How many times have you been out talking to a girl only to go the bathroom then not see her for the rest of the night. Not anymore. Girls will go crazy if you’re able to keep a conversation with them while pissing all over the floor of a bar. That’s absolute alpha male shit.

There are some guys out there that are claiming that the male rompers are “gay” and feminine. Hmm, convenient that those guys know so much about gay stuff. You know who else knows a lot about gay stuff? Gay people. You know what’s really gay? Not being yourself. Not being comfortable in your own clothes. Wearing a man romper is literally the straightest thing you can do this summer. If you’re uncomfortable wearing a man romper, you’re uncomfortable with you’re sexuality. You’re scared that someone is going to think you’re gay. I’m the opposite. I’m scared people are going to think I’m too straight. To much of a sex symbol for women. That’s why I kiss all my boys on the lips. It lets people know I’m human. That I’m just like them. To show that I’m mortal. Its like when Michael Scott kissed Oscar. Just showing humility and acceptance.

In my mind, rompers are already a male clothing item. I saw a girl wearing a romper today and immediately thought “what a lesbian”. So yea, whether I’m in Roxbury or the beach this summer, catch me in a man romper.

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