Breaking down the video of the sea lion dragging a little girl into the water

A strong candidate for video of the year came out this weekend, and with that comes a lot to break down.

First, I have nothing but respect from this sea lion. Just absolute perfect execution. Absolute bad boy. I feel like sea lions are criminally underrated when we think of ocean animals. Sharks steal all the lime light but sea lions don’t mess around either. The only thing holding them back is that they’re not as much as pretty boys. Sea lions don’t really have camera friendly faces. They’re back office guys. 9-5 grinders. Hourly wage people. The middle America of the ocean. The heartland people of the sea.

This is the type of talent that Sea World and aquariums needs if they wanna fill seats. At the moment, I have absolutely zero interest in visiting Sea World. Literally the last place in the world I would want to go. To add to that, aquariums also stink. They smells like fish (wish i guess makes sense), and the fish are an absolute snorefest. If I’m paying to see some wild fish, I want to fear for my life. I want to go in there not sure if I’ll make it out. I want to go head to head with a sea lion or two. Test my ability against a true contender of the sea. If I were able to go to Sea World and hop in the pool with one of these guys, I might just book a flight. I suggest we go a bit further and gamble on it. If you could fight and gamble on sea lions, I guarantee Sea World would be the #1 destination for bachelor parties within a week. Boom, I just fixed Florida’s economy.

Secondly, I blame the little girl. Just a typical example of low awareness. A classic case study on not staying woke. Zero street smarts. Anytime I see any type of animal in the wild, I always assume that they want to eat me. I’m a catch for any animal. I know the product I’m selling. I’m 200lbs of meat, strutting around Roxbury with a slight odor of Dominos coming off me at all times. Any animal with a brain would want to eat me. That’s just biology.

Lastly, I can’t imagine how much shit that father must be taking right now for not jumping in the water. If some other guy jumps to save your daughter before you, its an unwritten rule that the man is now the husband of your wife. He now owns your property. Your his bitch. I’m 90% sure that holds up in court. He also might not realize it, but he has no more control over his daughter. For now on, anytime the dad tries to discipline his daughter, all she has to do is remind him on how he didn’t jump in the water after a sea lion body slammed her. Advantage daughter. Point, set, match.

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