I have identified the animal in my wall and I am now at war

Major developments today in regards to my earlier post about having a mystery animal living in my wall. As I said earlier, I cut down the possible animals to a squirrel, a rat, a mouse, and a sexual predator. Today I got my answer. This morning while getting out of my shower, my safe space, my home base, I was ambushed. A full sized mouse ran a 40 dash right across my feet. Its lateral quickness was like something I’ve never seen. I had no clue I was dealing with the Adrian Peterson of mice. The Usain Bolt of rodents. The Bruce Jenner (pre-operation) of wildlife. To add insult to injury, this mouse was thiccc af. Looked like he’s been doing some shopping in GNC. I assume he’s in the midst of bulking season. His carboloading cycle reminds me of my own. Real recognize real. Predator recognize predator. I don’t feel safe in my own room anymore and that’s an issue for me. I have to take action. I planned on just letting him live in my wall, as I thought we could live in harmony. Apparently someone couldn’t respect my personal space. You give someone an inch he takes a mile. You give a mouse his own wall he takes over your whole basement. This world isn’t can’t fit the both of us.

He made the first move so I’m going full kill mode. Shoot on the spot. I’m going full Rambo. I’m about to get my school shooter on. Born to kill. Mel Gibson in the Patriot. Here are some of my various tactics to take down my enemy:

Mouse Traps

A classic approach, I admit this is pretty boring and predictable. He’ll see it coming. I’m going to set some up just to throw him off. He’ll see the mouse traps, avoid them and think he’s safe. Little does he know that’s just where I want him. I’ll always be 3 steps ahead of him.

Rat Stick

rat stick.JPG

What better way to catch an animal in my basement than taking advice from the Rat King himself. Charlie Kelly and I actually aren’t that different. Our living situations are not that different and we both live and work among the rodents. The Rat Stick is possibly the greatest invention of our lifetime. I’d be a fool not to take advantage of it. Out here doing Charlie work.

A Gun

I’ve always wanted to get into hunting, and I think this is the perfect entry point. I’m seriously considering buying a bb gun and just staying strapped whenever I’m home. Sleep with a glock on my waist. Turn my bedroom in Chiraq. Unleash one hunnit rounds on this bitch ass mouse. I’m not afraid to catch a case over this rodent.

So yea, my room is a war zone. I’m straight up living on Normandy beach. Its time for Blitzkreig (minus the whole nazi thing,).

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