What sports could I go pro in?

Being the fitness freak and five tool athlete that I am, people are quite surprised that I decided not to pursue a career as a professional athlete. Could I have done it? Absolutely. Look at the header picture. That was in 8th grade. Absolute man child. I’ve never failed at anything I’ve ever done. The only thing I’ve ever lost, is my ability to settle, and my ability to listen to doubters. “No” is not in my vocabulary (in a non rapey way). That all being said, I’ve recently been thinking about all the sports that I could have gone pro in. Obviously I could have made it to any of the big four. I was a defensive specialist, and a huge energy guy in high school basketball. I played hockey until 8th grade, which is equivalent to a college degree in Canada, so technically I played college hockey. I played flag football one year in middle school because my mom wouldn’t let me play the real thing. Smart woman. She knew of my massive brain power from a young age. Couldn’t put in danger. Lastly, I sucked at baseball, but I’m great at chilling with the boys, and my dancer legs look great in baseball pants, so I could probably play in the minors.

Although I think I passed my window of opportunity for the major sports, I think there are still some that I can make it big in:

Poker

I’m not a big gambler, but then again, life’s a gamble, and I play every day. I gamble every time I buy two Four Loko’s on whether or not I’ll wake up the next day. I gamble every time I drink a large iced coffee, not knowing if I’ll be near a bathroom, or forced to pee my pants. I think this skill, along with my ability to get in people’s heads, could push me to the World Series of Poker. I’m great at bluffing. I honestly bluff my way through 90% percent of life. I’ve made it halfway through my summer classes and I have yet to buy either book. I’ve made up 90% of my answers in my Spanish class and have aced both tests so far (got an 80 and an 85).

 

NASCAR

I almost feel bad putting NASCAR into the discussion, because most NASCAR athletes could probably qualify for the Special Olympics. Most NASCAR drivers have an extra first name, which goes along nicely with that extra chromosome. Its literally the easiest sport to win. Just drive faster than the guy next to you, and remember the inside part of the track is shorter than the outside. These guys have been driving for years and I already figured out how to win the Daytona 500. You know a sport is easy when the same 5 white guys have been dominating for the past 20 years. Just wait til NASCAR gets big in the inner cities. Then its gonna get a whole lot more interesting. I mean it already has, but we usually just call that grand theft.

E-Sports

I’m pretty confident I could succeed in e-sports, the only issue is the type of games that are played. Whenever I see e-sports on TV, I see the athletes playing World of War Craft or something of that sort. That’s not my style. Don’t need fantasy games when my life’s a fantasy. I also don’t adapt to new games/systems. I’m a blue collar gamer. I still have an Xbox 360 that I got for Christmas in middle school, and I still play NHL 2012. Even before that, I used the same Nintendo 64 for my whole life. Kids were all busy wasting their time on their Playstations playing Halo, while I was still grinding through NBA Jam 99, and James Bond Golden Eye 10 years after they came out. So if there happens to be an E-Sport league that strictly competes in 5 year old Xbox 360 games, then I will absolutely dominate. My only hurdle would be finding double A batteries for my controller. In my lifetime of playing video games, I have never had a fully charged controller. Always had to resort to stealing batteries from the fire alarms. Bad boy life.

 

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