Woman fights off car thief by jumping on hood. #BadBitchAlert

Pumping gas one minute, fighting off car thieves the next. A Wauwatosa, Wisconsin woman is sharing the incredible video of the entire incident

Melissa Smith says when thieves tried to steal her car at the BP gas station near Milwaukee’s third ward Tuesday she fought back, jumping on the hood , “I had the thought in my head. Do I go after my purse or do I stop my car? And the price tag of my car flashed through my head.”

At first she didn’t see the Cadillac pull up and the car thief crouch down and get behind the wheel of her car, “didn’t see him til I saw him get into my car, someone was in my car. And my, ‘oh hell this isn’t happening to me today’ moment. Terry – Did he look at you? Melissa – He looked at me and he laughed at me which really irritated me.”

Lots to unpack with this story. First off, who steals a Subaru? Did you forget to buy your lesbian aunt a birthday present? Were you running late for softball practice? Did the women’s march start early? Forget to DVR the new Ellen?  It doesn’t add up that a guy in a Cadillac would go after a Subaru. I didn’t know it was possible to steal a car from inside the closet. Getting out of a Cadillac and stealing a Subaru is like the sex change of robbery. I’m pretty Subaru translates to dyke in English.

This guys sucks at stealing cars. Literally the worst attempt I’ve maybe ever seen. If you steal a car, you have to be all in. I’m an expert in half assing things, and car stealing is the one thing you should probably try your best at. Like you should maybe do more than the bare minimum. Apply yourself a little bit. Have some pride. Then again, if you’re stealing a Subaru you probably have a lot of pride. It is Pride Month after all.  How do you not get the girl off you windshield? I’m not in the car stealing business, but if that’s me, I’m going full on Tokyo Drift. I’m turning that fuzzy steering wheel all the way to the left, hitting the gas, and truck sticking her two streets over. Then again, maybe he couldn’t. Maybe there was a softball stuck under the gas pedal.

Secondly, bad bitch alert. This lady must love that car. I can’t think of one possession that I own that I would do that for. I don’t even think I’d do that for a human life. Like if my first born was in that car, I still don’t think I’d do that. I’d just Uber home. Put it in the loss column. I’d definitely be in the dog house with my wife, but I could probably write it off as a tax credit. There’s a silver lining in everything. I’m on the other side of the spectrum (and probably on a couple other spectrums) when it comes to material things. I wake up every day hoping someone steals my laptop.  That someone takes my Xbox 360. If I were to value all of my possessions, I’m not exaggerating when I say it would probably add up to $150. There’s people who don’t value materialistic things, then there’s me who’s entire wardrobe consists of wearing the same pair of jeans everyday and free t-shirts that I’ve acquired over the years. My most expensive asset, realistically, is probably my brain. Can’t put a price tag on brilliance. High key thiccc in the head.

So yea, this lady is pretty crazy for jumping on the hood of the car to stop it from being stolen. Then again, her craziness pales in comparison to a grown man stealing a Subaru. Not all stereotypes are true, but sometimes the universe just works out that way.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s