No offense to anyone who has tattoos, but tattoos are for poor people. I’m pretty sure the word tattoo is Latin for White Trash. They’re for people who are so boring and uninteresting, that they resort to putting drawings on their body to feel different. I have never seen a tattoo in my life that I liked. My least favorite are tattoos in memory of dead people. If I die, please don’t get my face tattooed on you back. No one has nice enough skin to truly depict my beauty. I never get the reasoning. Like are you going to forget about your dead grandma if you don’t have her name written on you?
I understand that its not really my right to say what you can and can’t do to your body, but it is my right to make fun of you for your decisions. With all that being said, I might need to get a tattoo. Invest in some body art. I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’ve thought of a couple potential ideas:
An “R.I.P” tattoo for myself
Tattoos that are for dead relatives and friends are so played out. I’m going to change the game and get a memorial tattoo for myself. I want to get a tattoo that says “R.I.P Tim, Always In Our Hearts, You were really funny and good looking”. Then below that it will say “1995- ” leaving the date of my death open. When I know I’m going to die within the current calendar year (possibly this year), I’ll have the tattoo completed. That way when people come to my wake and see my tattoo, it will look like I predicted my own death. Rumor will then spread that I’m a prophet, and possibly the son of God. A religion/cult will then be founded around my life’s work, which I assume will be this website. That’s how I want to be remembered. That’s the legacy I want to leave. If I don’t start a cult after my death, my life will have been pointless. Shoot for the stars.
All my passwords and usernames
I’ve clicked on “forgot my password” more than I’ve clicked on “Delete History” and “Browse in Private” combined. I write them down somewhere at first, only to immediately lose the paper, or I assume I’ll remember it, and never do. I guess confidence isn’t always a good thing. A reasonable solution to this would be to get all my username and passwords tattooed on various parts of my body. I might actually get a tattoo sleeve on each arm. My left arm will be all my usernames, and my right arm will be all my passwords. Absolutely fool proof.
Lots of people have tattoos that say “Never forget 9/11” or “Never forget the troops”. My idea is just to get the words “Never Forget” tattooed. That way, I can just apply it to whatever the latest terrorist attack is. Kind of like a flavor of the month kind of thing. Something terrible will happen, and I’ll immediately already have a tattoo reminding people to never forget it. ISIS would get so frustrated.
I’ll also never forget anything again. I’ll be about to leave my house without my wallet, then I’ll see my “Never Forget” tattoo and run back in and grab it. I know, pretty genius. Guess who’s never forgetting a birthday? Guess who never forgetting about the pasta he cooked? This guy. “Ink my whole body I don’t give a motherfuck” – Wiz Khalifa”-Me. #TeamTatted