Weird News

1/3 of the world is overweight and I love it.

(CNN)More than 2 billion adults and children globally are overweight or obese and suffer health problems because of their weight, a new study reports.

This equates to one-third of the world’s population carrying excess weight, fueled by urbanization, poor diets and reduced physical activity.
The United States has the greatest percentage of obese children and young adults, at 13%, while Egypt led in terms of adult obesity, with almost 35%, among the 195 countries and territories included in the study.
When the whole world is low key thiccc.
I love this statistic. Everyone is freaking out, talking about how this is dangerous for people’s health, how obesity raises health insurance, blah blah blah. Let them eat cake I say. This is just basic evolution. A new world order. People are just fat now. Like that’s just the new standard. Deal with it. There are way too many people on this earth, and people need to start dying faster. I think getting fat and dying is probably the best and most enjoyable way to do it.
To me, this just shows how far we, as human beings, have come in a pretty short amount of time. Think about this timeline. There was a time when the biggest threat to humanity was the black plague. Absolutely devastating. Literally took out a generation of people. You look a little closer in history, and it was still bad. Polio, Two world wars, child labor, Aids. We overcame all of these (AIDS is still kinda a thing but not really for me). Now look at us, the biggest threat to humanity is portion control. I’m only a few generations removed from the Potato Famine, and now I can literally die from eating too many french fries. That’s the American Dream. That’s how you make it in America. We went from Gold Rush to Golden Arches.
This is going to make for some great history classes in the future, when kids learn about what finally took down the United States Empire. I picture a multiple choice question on a test being like “What finally caused the downfall of the United States? a. ISIS b. Nuclear War c. Racial Tension or d. Calories.”
Its also crazy to me how we have these experts dedicating their lives to the obesity epidemic. Is that the easiest job ever? Like how are we still doing research on that? These guys must be just milking the clock, collecting pay checks for as long as they can. All they really need to do is make a one page PowerPoint with one sentence and bold letters saying “burn more calories than you take in.” Boom. Job well done. I’m glad your 12 years of college paid off.
My favorite part about the whole thing is that we call it a disease. I’m actually completely on board with calling every shitty thing I do a disease. Someone will be like “Hey Tim why’d you drink so much this weekend?” And I’ll just be like “its a disease, you ignorant fuck, I’m someone’s son for God’s sake.” That’s my favorite phrase on the internet, “that’s someone’s son/daughter”, as if it doesn’t apply to literally everyone who ever existed. Yea you know who else was someone’s son? Hitler. Ease up on the guy.
So yea, obesity isn’t going anywhere, and as long as TLC keeps pumping out new seasons of “My 600 Pound Life” I really don’t care. Fat people are funny, so I really have no complaints. Keep eating.
PS: Fat Bastard is still one of the funniest movie characters ever. I grew out of Austin Powers movies a long time ago but Fat Bastard just gets better with age.

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