Jonah Hill got in shape like an absolute idiot.

jonah tweet

Jonah what are you doing? Do you even care about your career? Do you hate being funny? Do you despise making money? Jonah Hill has made a living being overweight. He literally pays his bills by not taking care of himself. This is just an awful strategical move for the actor. Stay in your lane, Jonah.

Look at Jonah’s best movies, and tell me the best ones aren’t the ones where he’s most fat.  He’s made a living off being the fat guy that cancels out the good looking star of the movie. Now he’s in no-mans land. He’s sort of good looking, but not good looking enough to be the star of a movie. He’s still kinda flabby, but not fat enough to laugh at. Just an awful position to be in. He looks like a better looking Seth Rogan, and who wants to watch a good looking Seth Rogan?

Jonah was born with a gift, and he’s just blowing it away. He was born fat and funny. I don’t care what you say, that’s the best combo to have, and one with without the other isn’t the same. If you’re fat and not funny, you have no shot at life. You somehow didn’t develop a sense of humor from getting bullied in elementary school, and you’re now screwed. Being skinny and funny is just as tough. Its an uphill battle I deal with daily. Somehow I manage. Someone once said “No one wants to see Lance Armstrong do stand-up.” You know who said that? Jonah Hill himself. Take your own advice, man.

I just watched War Dogs, and Jonah absolutely murdered it. The signature laugh he somehow created, combined with his 3 chins worked in a way I didn’t think was possible. If Jonah is skinny in War Dogs, he’s not funny, he’s just a rich asshole. Like the whole movie is based on him being a huge scumbag, but you can’t help but love him, because he’s fat. I don’t understand the science behind it, but that’s just how it is.

So Jonah, here’s some free advice: Download the Domino’s app, ditch your Hollywood trainer, and do what you do best. Look like shit and keep making hits. Yea you might die of heart disease in 10 years, but would you rather live 40 years and make classics, or live til you’re 100 and just be skinny fat? Take it from someone who’s gonna clock out at 23, take option 1. “Life fast, die young, leave a fat corpse”-James Dean” – me.

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