You haven’t truly partied until you’ve been to prison in South Africa

prison strippers

(CNN)The head of South Africa’s corrections department promised an immediate investigation Monday after photos purportedly showing strippers dancing with inmates at a Johannesburg prison circulated online.

James Smalberger, the acting national commissioner of the Department of Correctional Services, also condemned the alleged incident, saying Monday it was a major security breach and violation of prison protocols.

The new season of “Orange is the New Black” looks awesome. Looks like they took it in a completely different direction. This is like the opposite of “Beyond Scared Straight”. This is making me want to catch a flight to South Africa and rob a bank. Get me to prison ASAP. Everyone always talks about how bad foreign prisons are, but honestly, this looks more like a Sandals resort. This is the Shawshank Redemption mixed with a Rick Ross music video.

Also, 10/10 prison style. Are those Gucci jumpsuits? Did Tom Ford break into prison fashion? Prison jumpsuits were actually the original man rompers. The shoes are also on point. Nothing says hardened criminal like a blue and green pair of Nike Shocks.

This just reinforces my need to go to prison. It looks like so much fun. There’s free food, the beds are probably bigger than mine, lots of guys to hang out with, and now strippers. These guys are hanging out in the warm weather of South Africa get lap dances all day from Sweaty Betty. What a life. I’m jealous.

Is there where all the money we donate to Africa is going? Because it better be. Everyone talks about how the U.S. needs prison reform, and I think this is the first step. Strip clubs are already filled with criminals, so this just takes out the middle man. Nevertheless, if I got rogue for a while, there’s a good chance I’m in a South African prison.

 

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