Vatican Orgy gets raided by Police. Religious Freedom is dead.

VATICAN police have raided the home of a cardinal, interrupting a drug-fuelled gay orgy. Police entered the apartment last month after complaints from neighbours, the NZ Herald has reported. When police showed up at the cardinal’s apartment, they reportedly found drugs and a group of men engaged in an orgy. The occupant of the apartment, a priest who serves as a secretary to cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio, was arrested and taken for questioning.

 

They really took the unrated version of “Jesus Christ Superstar” in a different direction this year. Talk about an alternate ending. Its like 50 Shades of Grey meets The Passion of the Christ. “Excuse me Father, why do these Rosary Beads smell like Vaseline?” Rumor is, these guys got to third base with each other, or as they call it, the 7th Station of the Cross. “Most people call me Father, but you can call me Daddy.” That’s one way to perform an exorcism.

Honestly, after going to Catholic school for 8 years, this doesn’t crack my top 10 list of gay things I’ve seen priests do. What happened to the good old days when priests would just touch kids and leave the drugs out of it? I guess the opioid crisis is affecting everyone. Looks like Narcan is the new Holy Water. This is the least surprising news ever. Oh the guys who dedicated their lives to not being with girls are gay? Color me shocked. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Behind having sexual intercourse with a man, being a priest is the gayest thing you can do. And its honestly a photo finish. At this point, those white collars should be rainbow.

At least these guys are making the best out of their situation. After saying Hail Mary’s and Our Fathers all day, its probably nice to blow off some steam. Crush a couple glasses of Jesus Blood. Take a couple hits of the Holy Spirit. Cut up the Eucharist and do a couple lines. Guys being dudes if you ask me.

I understand its mean to make fun of people for being gay, but you have to respect the irony of guys who spend their whole day talking about how God hates fags being raided by the police for being too loud during their orgy. That’s just classic comedy. Sometimes the universe just works out.

I have a feeling the line to the Confession booth will be out the door tomorrow. Also funny how the confession booth looks a lot like a closet…

 

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