If you keep up with the site/my roller coaster of a life, you know I’ve been in a persistent battle with the mice in my bedroom/basement/blog cave. Originally, I thought it was just one savage animal, then I saw multiple, then last night I realized the true magnitude of the situation.
One of my roommates and I went out to grab mousetraps last night, in hopes to put an end to it all. He realized they have been eating a bunch of food in his room, and we finally decided its gone to far. I originally hoped to live in peace with the mice, and learn from them. We’re not that different. We both live in the shadows. We’re both quick on our feet. We hunt for our food (walk to dominos). But that all came to an end last night. We took it to DEFCON 5. We entered the nuclear codes. Basically the equivalent of dropping the bomb on Hiroshima. I honestly went into the situation pretty hopeless, as I set traps myself before, and sat there as I watched the mice just strut their asses right on past it like runway models. Last night was different.
I’m talking Kristallnacht. We were able to locate their layer, and just went on a full GTA kill spree. Its like back in Vietnam when the U.S. would locate a Vietcong tunnel and just blow it out. I literally think I have PTSD. I’ll be telling my grand kids these war stories years from now. It felt like we were calling in air strikes at one point. We set the traps at about 9pm last night, and we were up stacking bodies until 2am. It got to the point where it felt a little bit genocide-ish. Whatever. War is hell.
Despite all the horrors that come with masterminding a mass extinction of mice in your house, boy do you get a rush. There’s no better high than the moment after you hear that trap snap in the silence of the night. Its one of those things you can’t truly understand until you do it. Its like my heroin. I think I’m addicted.
I’ve been doing a ton of research on mouse hunting, and I guess a rule of thumb is however many you catch on the first day, you multiply it by like 5. If that’s true then this is far from the end. Like this is WW2 in 1939. It hasn’t even started yet. I need to step up my game.
My only issue is, I think I’m going to get bored of catching them with mouse traps. Its pretty easy and gets old fast. I think I’m going to need more of a challenge. I think I might spend the rest of the day online shopping for BB guns and take this war to the next level. Someone suggested that we just buy the poison and gas them out, but I’m above that. This isn’t WW1. There are rules in war, and I really don’t feel comfortable mustard gassing the animals in my wall.
So I think I’m going to stick with Gorilla Warfare. Get troops on the ground. Blitzkrieg, minus the whole Nazi thing. So for now, I will continue to be in full war mode. Catch me rationing food, and growing victory gardens in Roxbury from now on.