Anti Pervert Flame Throwers are now a thing

A flame-thrower that can hurl a stream of fire half a metre long is being marketed in China to help women fend off unwanted advances.

The device is being billed on shopping websites as a must-have “anti-pervert weapon” that can be discreetly carried in a ladies’ handbag.

Some are shaped like a cigarette lighter and emit small flames, while others hurl fire for 50cm with temperatures of up to 1,800 degrees Celsius (3,300 Fahrenheit).

Sign me up. Flame throwers are back, and I am all in. Genius marketing to re brand a deadly weapon used in WW2, to a rape whistle on crack. This is also a great solution to gun violence. Shooting people is sort of old and played out in my mind. No one’s going to be carrying guns anymore when you can now turn your enemies into burn victims with an oversized lighter.

As someone who can’t walk down the street without being cat called, I might have to get one rush delivered. You can spot my dancer legs from a mile away, which is a huge giveaway to creeps everywhere. My swimmer’s torso and ox-like shoulders don’t help either.

The best part is the picture:

flame thrower

Yea honey that’s not a flamethrower, that’s a straight up lightsaber. It looks like something you’d find in Luke Skywalker’s man purse. Imagine finding this in your girlfriends bag? Like “holy shit I’m dating the Sith Lord”. I also love the broken English translation. I think I see what they’re doing though. Nobody is going to mess with someone who speaks in the third person. That’s high on my list of people to stay away from.

Also what’s up with the girl giving you sex eyes? Power move to sexualize a product that’s purpose is to do the complete opposite. It doesn’t look like they have a huge ad budget either, because that Photoshop job looks like something I would do on Microsoft paint.

Nonetheless, my birthday is coming up, and I might have to put this on the top of my wishlist. I really can’t see any negatives of carrying a huge flamable object in your bag. I assume its quite easy to travel with, and airport security won’t give you too hard of a time. Definitely the gift that keeps on giving.

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