Anthony Scaramucci is bringing back the word “cock” and I’m all in

With great power comes great responsibility. If anyone knows that, it’s Anthony Scaramucci, the new Director of communication for the Trump administration. Since being appointed to his new job title, Scaramucci has made immediate headlines, mostly for his ability to drop the most fire quotes in the history of politics. I’m a big believer that if given a large platform, you should use it to make a change, and that’s just what our new communication director is doing. What is he doing exactly? He’s bringing back the word “cock”.

During just the early dawn of his leadership role. Scaramucci has used the term “cock” in creative and innovative ways never seen before in the white house. Here are a few instances:

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own c**k.”

Calling someone out for sucking their own cock is incredibly underrated and under-utilized. It’s throws people off so much, because on one hand you’re calling them gay, but on the other hand, you’re inferring that they have an absolute hammerhead shark in their pants. You’re also inferring that they’re flexible, which could be seen as a synonym for gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just guys being dudes, calling each other out for pleasing themselves orally. Also is it gay to be attracted to yourself? Because if so, I’m the Elton John of blogging.

“Reince is a f***ing paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. Doing an impression of him, he added: “‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the f***ing thing and see if I can c**k-block these people the way I c**k-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’”

Before Scaramucci, cock blocking was a term exclusively used by 17 year old boys after striking out with a girl. Not anymore. Calling out another politician for cock blocking you is just 21st century politics if you ask me. Then again, if you think about it, filibustering was the original cock block, so maybe it’s nothing new.

What do I think about Scaramucci using his new platform to push his agenda of bringing back the word cock? I love it. Cock is one of those words that’s not really a swear, but also totally is. Like I think you might be able to say it on TV, but maybe not. Cock is sort of the ugly stepchild of the penis slang family. Dick has been a big time front runner for years now, so it’s good to see some competition starting to brew.

On top of Scaramucci making himself the cocksman of the White House, he’s put out some other quotes that some people see as not so chill. Let’s break down a couple:

“Do you know how many congressional liaisons we are going to have? I don’t either, but I told Pence, it should be four times whatever Obama had. I don’t know how many he had, but I’m telling you that didn’t work out

Quantity over quality. I sort of love this type of thinking. I do the same thing whenever I split a bill when my friends and I go out to eat. Whatever they tip, I tip one cent more. Huge alpha male move. Kings stay kings.

Talking to a reporter: “How old are you? You look good. No lines on your face. What are you, a Sagittarius?”

“I’m a Leo.”

“F***ing king of the jungle!”

I’m not big into Zodiac signs, but I think I might have to be now. Hitting on a reporter by calling her the “fucking king of the jungle” is political science 101. You learn that on syllabus week. Chapter 1 of the book.

 “Let me tell you something about myself. I am a straight shooter.”

I might spend the rest of the day looking over my past blogs because I’m 99% sure he stole this quote from me. Is Anthony Scaramucci a TFATB fan? I think I need to mail him a T-shirt.

“One of the things I can’t stand about this town is the back-stabbing. Where I grew up we’re front-stabbers.”

Calling yourself a front-stabber is sort of genius. It’s basically a free pass to be a dick. Every time you say something mean to someone, you can just blame it on your front stabber mentality. It’s like in Talladega Nights when Ricky Bobby thinks saying “no offense” before insulting someone makes it okay to say. Control the story before it controls you.

“Let’s go get a steak sometime,” said while throwing his arm around a reporter who visited Mr Scaramucci at the West Wing.

Shooters Shoot.

“I speak with the right pronouns. It’s ‘we’ and ‘our.’ It’s never ‘me’ or ‘I.'”

No I in team. We before me. Scaramucci is out here talking like a youth soccer coach. Interesting tactic.

So there it is. No matter your political beliefs, I think we can all rally around a guy bringing back a sort of swear word. I’m not huge into politics, but if if these quotes keep coming, I might have to get involved. If you want serious political dialogue, go somewhere else. If you want to talk about political dick jokes, this is the place for you.

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