High School student graduates with 4.0 while being addicted to heroin

Talk about peaking in high school. I know I’m getting old, but high school has really changed since I was there. Yea there were different groups. There were cool kids. Fat chicks. Kids who ran down the hall with their arms straight out behind them. But we never had the nerdy heroin addicts. This is a new breed. Heroin addicts are evolving. They’re getting stronger. Like what happened to the good old days when you would just do heroin and die? Now I have to compete with these kids in school? How am I supposed to go against that in the job market. Talk about a resume builder. “I’m proficient in Excel, PowerPoint, and shooting heroin into my arm.” “When can you start?”

People always say that addiction can happen to anyone, and it’s tough to see drug seeking behavior at a young age, but I don’t think that’s true. I knew this girl was in trouble immediately when she said she wanted to be a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader when she grows up. My biggest fear in life is having a daughter who wants to be a cheerleader. Cheerleaders are just girls who haven’t had abortions yet. Honestly, for a cheerleader, this girl ended up just fine.

Also, I think heroin might be the new study drug. Coffee is out. I wouldn’t be surprised if doctors start giving kids with ADD heroin now, instead of Ritalin and Adderall. Soon enough there will be a methadone clinic in Harvard Square. Kids at MIT will be tweaking out in the middle of their calculus lectures. Like I’ve been wasting my time spending hours in the library, going to class, emailing my professors, when all I had to do was walk down to mass ave and make some friends. Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.

So good for this girl for being the biggest nerd on heroin. The best way to get kids to stop doing drugs is to not make them cool anymore, and there’s nothing less cool than trying hard in school. She’s the hero we need, but not the one we deserve. Also good luck being a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. Great career path.

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