Court rules that you can no longer divorce a woman by saying it 3 times

India’s Supreme Court on Tuesday banned a rare form of instant divorce sanctioned in its most conservative Muslim communities, saying men could no longer dissolve a marriage simply by stating it three times.

The controversial practice known as instant triple talaq — in which a man tells a woman “I divorce you” three times in succession — is observed in only a handful of countries, including Saudi Arabia. 

The decision was hailed as a victory for women’s rights advocates led by Shayara Bano, who filed suit in 2016 after her husband ended their 15-year marriage by writing the word “talaq,” or “I divorce you,” three times in a letter sent to her parents’ house.

So basically, this is the same as Dorothy saying “there’s no place like home” three times, except instead of waking up in Kansas, you wake up in divorce court. Never underestimate how much we can learn from movies. No matter how big of a feminist you are, you have to respect the men of this culture stealing this tactic straight from the Wizard of Oz. If you think about it, the Middle East is a lot like Oz. The scene where the house landed on the witch was basically a terrorist attack. The Tin Man was a couple electrical wires away from being a road side bomb. I’m pretty sure “Ding dong the witch is dead” directly translates to Allah Akbar.

My favorite part of this now abolished law, is that it applies to texting as well. Girls in America complain about how guys play games with them when it comes to texting, but they have it pretty easy compared to what’s going on over there. How scary must it be to be a woman in Saudi Arabia and have those three bubbles pop up on your phone? I do have a couple questions though. Does it only count if she has her read receipts on? Does it have to be iMessage? Do green texts count? What’s the ruling on Facetimes? Snapchats? Are there even iPhones there? All of a sudden, my 2am texts that consist of “yo”, don’t seem that bad anymore. It’s all relative.

This is like the rumor back in the day when my friends and I were all convinced that if you said Biggie Smalls in the mirror three times, he’d come out and shoot you. Or it’s like when your teacher would count to three, and if you weren’t quiet by then you’d get in trouble. How easy would it be to win every argument with your wife? Your wife raises her voice, you just start saying ” I Div..” and she’d immediately stop.

So congrats to the women of the Middle East on the big win. Enjoy the victory, and try not to show too much ankle while celebrating tonight.

 

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