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How to prepare for a Hurricane

Hurricane szn is officially upon us, as Tropical Storm Harvey is about to get it’s bad bitch on and turn into a category 3 hurricane. What does category 3 mean? I have no clue, but it doesn’t sound ideal. As you probably learned in elementary science class, hurricanes are God’s way of cleaning the South of incest, and to give Florida the well over due spring cleaning it needs.

Everyone is freaking out about all the old confederate statues in the South, campaigning to have them taken down, which in my opinion, is a waste of effort. Stop protesting and let nature take its course. Let them have the Robert E Lee statue, it will be underwater in a week anyway. The spirit of Confederacy might not break, but those levees sure do. If God really hated fags, he’d put San Francisco underwater every August, not you guys.

As much as we joke here, I want everyone to be safe. Hurricanes are nothing to joke about, so with that, I’ve invested an ample amount of time conducting tireless research on the best tools and techniques when it comes to combating one of these natural disasters. Here’s the complete and comprehensive list:

 

Move somewhere that doesn’t go underwater every summer

Actually, yea, that’s the entire list.

 

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