These days, everyone has an idea for the next big app. The next Uber, Snapchat, or even Enron. I’m no exception. I have plenty of thoughts and ideas, as you can probably tell. I’ve also recently noticed that everyone wants to be an “entrepreneur” these days, despite not having any technical skills, or work ethic, or capital. So I figure, if you can’t beat them, join them. With that, I’ve decided to put my ideas out in public, so maybe someone with the necessary skills can turn my dreams into reality. Here are some ideas that I have so far:
Tinder, but for homeless people
Shooters shoot, and homeless people should be able to shoot game, not just heroin. Imagine the common interests? You’re both interested in shopping carts, sleeping in dumpsters, and yelling at passing cars. Match made in heaven (or Mass Ave).
Linkedin for drug dealers
I feel like the downfall of the drug business is the networking. There’s never any organizational structure, and communication must be awful. I also realize that drug dealing is a bit of a dead end job, so I want to start a program to help them write better resumes, and help them use the correct wording when they talk about what they do. Here’s a couple examples:
What the drug dealer really does: Sells weed to high school kids
What his resume will say: Leveraged advanced sales and marketing tactics to sell herbal supplements to the coveted 15-19 age demographic.
What the drug dealer really does: Steals money out of his mom’s purse because the payment for his car audio system he got from Rent-A-Center is due.
What his resume will say: Raised capital and successfully leveraged debt, in order to pay for building and equipment. The high debt ratio reflects an aggressive growth strategy, and strong belief of a future increase in cash flows.
What the drug dealer really does: Walks aimlessly around Mass Ave selling used needles to people
What his resume will say: Opened corporate headquarters for the pharmaceutical branch of the company in the growing and sought after South End, conveniently located next to BU Medical School and Cumberland Farms.
If there’s not already a porn site named this, there’s about to be. Tears were dripping down my face I was so proud that I thought of this on my own. It honestly, doesn’t even have to be a porn site. It could be like a women’s fitness site, or the company website for a milkshake business. The opportunities are limitless. Huge upsides to this opportunity.
Apple Watch, but a penis ring
Sex sells. That’s something I can’t emphasize enough. Apple Watches are cool, I guess, but they just scream “nerd”. Now that everyone has a cell phone, no one really needs a watch, so the usability of the accessory is basically obsolete. They’re only around anymore for people to flex their wealth. So why not make a watch for people to flex another type of wealth. Imagine this situation: You’re talking to a girl at a bar, and she asks you what time it is. Do I need to explain further? Two birds, one stone. Foolproof plan if you ask me. Just don’t go swimming with it. At least in cold water.
Grindr, but less gay
If you take out the whole gay aspect out of Grindr, it’s really just a bunch of guys being dudes. I love meeting new guys. Like girls talk always talking about hitting it off with other girls and bar bathrooms, but I probably do it same amount. I know I can’t be the only one who has ever had the issue of wanting to start drinking early with my friends, but no one is around. This app will solve that problem. You go on Grindr (not the gay one) and see all the guys in the area who want to meet up. Boom. Problem solved.