Man hides $1,000 from police by stuffing it in his rectum

The Marion County Sheriff’s Office says that in the early hours of Saturday, August 26th, a deputy conducted a traffic stop in the area of East Highway 40 and Baseline Road for speeding.

Upon making contact with the driver, identified as 26-year-old Pattreon Stokes, the deputy reportedly smelled marijuana coming from inside the vehicle. Stokes also had a 7-month-old child in the front passenger seat.

After searching the vehicle, the deputy said he found 197 grams of methamphetamine, rock cocaine, and 4 grams of heroin. A scale was also found in the vehicle. Stokes had marijuana and a large amount of money on himself.

Police say that his Stokes’ money was missing upon arriving at the jail. Stokes said that the deputies had already collected it, but the police say this is not true.

This is when deputies noticed $20 bills falling from Stokes’ buttocks area, says the report. Deputies collected $1,090.00 from his rectum.

This gives a whole new meaning to the term “money maker”. Is this Pablo Escobar’s gay brother? Plenty of people make money with their butts, but few people are able to use it as a fully operational bank. This guy’s walking around with an ATM in his pants. Back that Brink Truck up playboy. I bet if this guy eats enough Japanese food, the dollars will come out as Yen. If he plays enough computer games it might turn into bitcoin.

It’s one thing to have “fuck you money”, but this guy has “fuck me money”. I think this is the real meaning of gold digging. When he walks into a gay bar the interest on that money goes way up. Talk about dirty money.

The Great Depression was bad, but wait til this guy goes through the Great Constipation. What do you call it when this guy get’s gas? Inflation. Every time he wipes his ass it’s basically a case of money laundering.

What’s it called when this dude takes a shit and doesn’t flush? A loan. His skid marks could pass for insider trading. This man can walk into a bathroom stall and turn it into a trading desk. Everyone knows your personal finances can be a pain in the ass to manage, but this is just getting ridiculous. He should name each of his butt cheeks. The left one Goldman, and the right one Sachs.

Congrats to this guy for finally finding the perfect tax shelter. Are assholes recession proof? His rectum is literally an “emerging market”. I just hope he gets through prison all right and no one breaks his piggy bank.

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