Weird News

Wisconsin sending Houston 17,000 pounds of cheese is the worst donation ever

As companies in Wisconsin look to help the victims of Hurricane Harvey, what better donation than butter and cheese?

About two dozen cheese companies, along with the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board, have gathered more than 17,000 pounds of cheese to send to Houston.

They started loading up the truck on Friday.

It’s all headed for the Houston Food Bank.

As if Houston didn’t already have enough problems, now everyone is going to be constipated and blocked up for weeks. Where does one even put 17,000 pounds of cheese? 90% of Houston is underwater, so I feel like they might be a little tight on storage space.

I also need to know what type of cheese was sent, because that’s incredibly crucial on my views of the donation. If it was mostly American cheese, then that’s the meanest donation anyone has ever made. If it’s Cheese Wiz, Wisconsin should be kicked out of the county, because that’s borderline treason. If it’s cheddar, or something with a bit more sharpness to it, then maybe I can live with it. If I was to receive this quantity of cheese, I’d like it the majority of it in string cheese. Everyone knows that’s the best cheese snack on the market. There also a deep fry away from being mozzarella sticks, so they’re a bit of a two way player as well.

You know what the worst part about this “act of kindness” is? They sent 17,000 pounds of cheese, and not a single cracker. Is there anything worse than when you run out of Ritz crackers before you run out of cheese? This is that times 17,000. It happens to me all the time, mostly because I use a 2/1 cracker to cheese ratio. Yea, I’m a cheese and cracker sandwich type of guy. Deal with it. I’m extra like that.

So thanks to Wisconsin for being selfless and shipping their whole entire dairy industry to Texas. I guess. Money would have been nice, but an unusable amount of cheese is cool, too.

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