Woman won’t stop shitting in family’s yard

Her children were the first to catch the runner mid-poop, with her pants around her ankles, Cathy Budde said.

Immediately, they ran to get their mother.

“They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!’ So I come outside, and I’m like . . . ‘are you serious?’ ” Budde told KKTV.

She confronted the woman, asking, “Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids?”

“Yeah, sorry,'” the woman replied.

Budde assumed the woman would be “mortified,” clean up the poop and not run in the Colorado Springs neighborhood again.

But that would have been too easy.

The family kept finding the runner’s poop, Budde said, and the dirty paper napkins she leaves behind. The apparently remorseless runner has pooped on the sidewalk in front of the Budde family’s home at least once a week for the past seven weeks, according to Budde. Once, Budde was able to take a picture, which showed a brunette woman running in a gray tank top and shorts.

The Colorado family calls her “The Mad Pooper.”

Budde has caught the woman mid-act three times. She has posted fliers – addressed “to the female jogger that continuously uses our walkway as her toilet” – around her neighborhood asking the woman to stop. She has taken pictures.

But the runner, who brings napkins to clean herself up, has not changed her ways.

Cross country has really changed since I did it in high school. This might be my new favorite story ever. Shitting on a family’s lawn while the said family stands there, begging for you to stop, is some super villain shit (literally). I can’t think of anything more cold blooded. The funniest part about the whole thing is that she brings napkins to wipe. That tells me two things: 1. She’s an absolute psycho who wipes with napkins (chafe city), and 2. This is premeditated. Like this lady puts on her running shorts everyday, stretches (if she’s smart), then grabs a handful of napkins, knowing that she’s about to defecate on someone’s lawn.

Everyone has different techniques to get through their runs. Some people listen to music. some people play games in their head. This lady keeps her mind off of running by keeping her eye on the prize of getting to shit on a poor family’s lawn at the end of it. Like that’s her main motivation. That’s what drives her. Then again, I wonder at what point she decides to poop? Does she hold it in the entire time and wait for the end? That would be diabolical. Post run poops are nothing to joke about. I’m pretty sure they were banned in the Treaty of Versailles.

On the other side of this whole situation, is the family who’s lawn keeps getting shit on. They’re trying to play the victim here, but I’m not so sure the case. I feel like if someone shits on your lawn, there’s usually a reason. That’s just going off of personal experience, but there aren’t many studies to go off of. With that said, you gotta do something pretty bad to a person, where they reciprocate with their own waste. That’s some next level beef.

If the act isn’t in retaliation, then I’m fascinated by this woman. I need to know the motives. Does she do it for the thrill? Does she think she’s a dog? Does she eat Qdoba before every run? Everything about this is wild. The thing is, I think this is just what the sport (activity?) of running needs.

Running sucks. It’s easily the worst form of exercise. Anyone who wakes up early on Saturdays to run 5ks is a creep. I don’t care if it’s for a charity. I’ll just donate from the comfort of my bed. And don’t give me the free t-shirt excuse. Go to Goodwill if you need clothes so bad. Or buy a TFATB shirt for the low price of $10 (always doing business). Despite my hatred for running, this lady might be at the forefront of a movement that might bring people like me back in the game.

5ks, as they stand right now, stink. But, if the race included shitting on random people’s lawns for prizes, I might just set my alarm for it. Imagine the scene that would be? People running through the streets, stopping and pooping all over the place. That’s what running was meant to be. Why do you think running shorts are so short? Instead of people handing out cups of water on the race course, people will start handing out toilet paper. Also wet wipes will be banned. That’s performance enhancement in my mind. It will also show who the real competitors are. Like who wants to win bad enough that they skip wiping? That’s when you see someone’s true colors (which would be brown in this case).

So good on this woman for going against societal norms and shitting wherever she wants. That’s the American Dream.

 

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