As the weather gets cooler, the days get shorter, and the leaves change (which I can’t see because I don’t see color), so does my wardrobe. Gone are the days where I can just rotate between the same three t-shirts matched with the same pair of shorts everyday. No. It’s time to switch over to fall fashion. If you’re anything like me, you might have trouble making this adjustment. Buying new clothes is expensive, and shopping sucks, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Much like any other season, it’s important to have a few “staple pieces” to base your entire clothing collection off of. With that, I have curated a list of my must have fashion items for the the fall season. Watch out, GQ.
A trench coat
Trench coats are surprisingly versatile, as well as fashionable. The best part about wearing a trench coat, is that it cuts down on time spent in the morning getting dressed, considering you don’t have to wear anything under it. The usability of the trench coat is unmatched. Are you heading out for an early trip to the playground to watch kids play from a safe, but reasonable distance? Boom, trench coat. Are you heading to school to teach your bullies and teachers a lesson they won’t forget? Boom, trench coat. Do you want to add an extra layer for when your white van is a little chilly in the morning? You guessed it, trench coat.
When it comes to shoes, I hear a lot of talk from sneakerheads mostly about Jordans, Nikes, and Yeezys. Yea, I guess those shoes are fashionable, but I feel like they come up short when it comes to getting you from point A to point B. That’s where Heely’s come in. Wearing Heely’s is a great way to impress that cute girl in class, while rolling past the haters, and most likely suffering some type of leg or ankle injury. Don’t be afraid to match these shoes up with a trench coat for an extra “bad boy” vibe.
I’ve always struggled with having cold legs. Maybe it’s because all my blood is being used in my massive brain and tender heart, but my dancer legs always get a bit chilly when the temperature drops. This is where long underwear comes in. To add to that, it’s a lot harder for people to tell when you pee your pants, due to the extra protection. Me: 1, Bathrooms: 0.
Sick of girls not taking you seriously? Me too. That’s why this fall, I’m investing in a cape. Wearing a cape is a great way to show women that you have a bit of a mysterious, and maybe even mythical side to you. There’s a boy-like wonder that comes with wearing a cape. Wearing a cape shows not only that there’s a child inside of you, but that you also might be inside of a child. If you’re going to go through with the cape purchase, you might as well go all in. I’d recommend pairing a cape with a beginner’s magic set. If there’s one thing I know about girls, is that they love guys who can do magic tricks. And you know what the biggest magic trick you can pull off is? Love.
Sup fellow home boys. Don’t worry, I’m not a cop. Want to keep it real this fall? Go out and cop yourself a fresh little du-rag. A du-rag is a great alternative to a hat while you trap quite hard and sell your hip hop mixtapes. Also, do you have any friends who sell the goods, because I want to buy some. Once again, not a cop. Text me or send me a tweeter message. RIP Tupac.
(This post was sponsored by the Boston Police Department)
Cold weather can be brutal on your skin, especially your face. This goes double for me, as I expect to finally hit puberty this fall, which comes with tons of changes to my body, including trouble with skin. Picture this scenario: It’s Friday morning, and you have a big date that night. You wake up, look in the mirror, and discover that you have a thiccc ass pimple right on your forehead. Might as well cancel the date, right? Not so fast. All you have to do is throw on a ski mask, and it’s like the pimple isn’t even there. There’s really no downside to wearing a ski mask on a date. If worn correctly, you might even get your meal for free. How fun! It also gives off a huge bad boy vibe, and makes the other person focus more on your personality, as they, or any bank cameras, can’t see your face.
Do you have indoor furniture on your front lawn? Are Newports your preferred choice of cigarette? Do you struggle with punctuation when posting Facebook statuses about child support? Then a bathrobe will be a great choice of outerwear this fall. I promise you heads will turn at the unemployment office when you walk in wearing your spiffy new bathrobe at four in the afternoon. The methadone clinic will be buzzing about your fashion sense, and you’ll easily be the best dressed person at Burlington Coat Factory.
A Positive Attitude
Because you’re never fully dressed without a smile.