Dylan Rockoff’s new album will make you question your sexuality

Anyone who knows me knows I’m a hater. I hate giving people credit, and don’t think I’ve given anyone a compliment in maybe five years. It’s hard to impress me. That all changed today when Dylan Rockoff dropped his debut LP (I’m not sure what LP stands for but it sounds cool) 115 Gainsborough.

I’m no music expert, but I got an A in my 1 credit piano class over the summer, so I actually might be. I plowed through that intro to piano for adult learners workbook. I also interviewed Black Swan last week, so I know what music is hot in the streets right now. With my musical credentials now established, it’s time to break down the album.

He opens the album with his single “Come Over”, which I think is just a booty call disguised as a 4 minute song. No wonder no girls ever answer my texts. This is what I have to compete with. Regardless, it bangs, in more than one way. I’m definitely adding it to my sex playlist that I hope to one day use.

The opening song is followed by “Say My Name” which steps on the throat of the Destiny’s Child song that shares the same title. Thirdly, is “I Made A Mess Here” which ironically, made me make a mess, when Bob Dylan Rockoff comes in from the clouds with that harmonica.

Another song that stands out is “Dachau”, which gives off a little bit of a bad boy vibe with the explicit tag. Dylan drops some knowledge mid song, stating how we are just as close to life as we are to death. Speak for yourself, Dylan, because I am way closer to death than life. Despite that, it’s still one of my favorites on the album.

The last song that really stood out to me was “The Greenest Leaf”. Dylan pulled off a creative marketing campaign for this song by planting dollar bills around Boston with notes attached. That’s the most creative way I’ve seen someone use a dollar bill, not including what I’ve witnessed in a strip club.

I do have some criticism to add, since an album review with only positive reactions wouldn’t be credible. I can’t ignore how psycho of move it is of him to name his album after his home address. That’s just asking for a stalker (which may or may not end up being me). I don’t even want people to know if I’m still alive, let alone know where I live. I guess that’s what separates us. He’s a man of the people, and I hate 99% of people I’ve ever come in contact with. Everyone’s different, I guess.

For idiots who for some reason can’t find music themselves, the album is available on Itunes, Spotify, Apple music, LimeWire, PornHub, basically everywhere. He’s also performing at The Red Room in Boston on Monday, so that should give you a weird feeling in your stomach.

So once again. 115 Gainsborough. Go get it. Play it at your pregame tonight. Get drunk and slide into Dylan’s DM’s. I know I probably will.

 

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