Soccer player suspended for urinating on fans mid game

Turris’s Giovanni Liberti has been banned for five games after urinating at Sarnese fans – but the club president has launched an appeal

During a stoppage in Sunday’s 3-3 draw, Liberti is believed to have “urinated in the direction of the away section, making absence and vulgar gestures to his genital organ”.
Turris have launched an appeal, with club president Antonio Colantonio furiously defending his player. Colantonio claims Liberti was peeing into a urinal near the away section, and not directly at the supporters.

“Our player Liberti absolutely did not do what is alleged,” he said in a statement.

I never understood how soccer is the most popular sport in the world, but now I do. Most people will tell you that the most exciting play in sports is a walk off homerun, or a hail mary, or Rick Pitino buying hookers for his high school recruits. Nope. There’s nothing more exhilarating in sports than a player peeing on opposing fans. That’s what sports are all about. I think this guy is my new favorite athlete. Peeing on fans mid game might be the most disrespectful thing in the universe, and I am all in on it, to the point that I believe we should just integrate it into every sport.

Think about it. Sitting court side during a basketball game would be so much more electric. Everyone in the first ten rows would be wearing rain ponchos like they’re sitting in the splash zone at Sea World. If that was the case, maybe Spike Lee would finally shut up. You walk out of the game, trying to figure out if the guy behind you spilled beer on you or just has awful aim peeing.

This rule would also cut down on cramps, because guess what? If I’m an athlete, I’m drinking gallons of water before every game in case a fan wants to get lippy with me. I’d be the most hydrated person in the world. I’d be taking delay of game penalties left and right for how long it would take me to pee on people. I’d also be crushing asparagus for a pregame meal, because I want to ruin someone’s night. Also I’m trying to eat more vegetables, so that’s sort of a two birds one stone type situation there.

To go even deeper, I think that every fan should get a two liter jug to piss in when the walk in. That way, the bathrooms lines are way shorter, and you can pee without missing the game. Then, if a player does decide to pee on you, you have a fucking suicide bomb right at your feet. “Allah Akbar”. The only issue is, if you get up to go to the bathroom, everyone in the stadium knows you’re going for a #2. Whatever, shouldn’t have gotten Qdoba before the game. That’s on you.

Also, how about European soccer fields casually having urinals on the sidelines? The original story passed right over that detail like it’s the most normal thing in sports. Maybe he didn’t even mean to pee on the fans. I mean, splash back is bound to happen when you use a urinal, and when you put the urinal that close to fan seating, naturally, there’s going to be some victims. That’s just physics. Newton’s law of pee.

The best part about the whole story is the guy only got a five game suspension. That’s pretty lenient if you ask me, but then again, Ray Rice only got four after he Floyd Mayweather’d his wife so idk. All I’m saying is maybe playoff baseball would be more watchable if they cut back on challenges and incorporated more pee. The only issue is, announcers would have to be more specific when they talk about a player having a hose, and make sure we know he’s referring to his arm. They grow em big down there in the Dominican if you know what I mean. Not even the bleachers will be safe.



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