Weird News

NFL receiver Josh Gordon admits to drinking and smoking before every game

As much as I understand how sad and tragic it is that alcoholism cut his career short (until he signs with the Patriots and wins two rings), I have to admit, I’m impressed. First off, taking shots to warm up your body is a straight up homeless person move, and I love it. Like I’ve heard of hobos drinking to stay warm/get drunk enough to fall asleep, but doing it to prepare for your NFL game is on another level. I can’t think of a bigger power move than skipping the pregame stretch, and instead hitting the bar to take a few shots. That’s dedication, especially for the early games. Like an 8 o’clock game, sure, I can see how someone can get bored waiting for kick off and start drinking, but you have to be a savage to start drinking before a 1pm kickoff.

Josh Gordon also must have a hell of a stomach, because I cannot imagine playing an NFL game with alcohol in my system. I cramp up when I mildly jog to get in my Uber to go a bar, I can’t imagine running routes full speed with booze inside of you. How do you not puke when you get tackled by an NFL linebacker right after taking a shot? I’ve puked after a shot once because the music in the room was too loud. I can’t even play Madden when I’m buzzed, let alone a real game of football. I just end up running fake field goal plays on every down.

There’s also no way he only took shots before the game. That’s a recipe for disaster. Like have you ever taken a couple shots, then stopped drinking for an hour or two? That’s how to get a headache 101. Once you start ripping shots you better not stop. I wonder if Gordon just had a water bottle of vodka or something on the bench? Carrying around a water bottle of alcohol is such a high school move, you would almost have to respect a professional athlete doing it.

The thing is though, he did play for Cleveland, and that’s a place where drinking every day before work is understandable. I don’t care how rich or famous you are, if you can go a day in Cleveland without heavily drinking, you are not human. I think that the NFL should implement a rule that if you play for the Cleveland Browns, or are playing against them in Cleveland, it should be within the rules to show up hammered. I mean, the games can’t get much worse. It would just be an overall better experience for the fans. Think about how fun it would be if you could tailgate with the teams?

Lastly, I feel like this post isn’t complete without me posting the video of Johnny Manziel drinking Four Lokos with his friend in a basement while rapping a Future song. Shocking that a kid with the same drinking habits as me didn’t survive in the NFL. Who would have thought?


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