Thanksgiving is a great holiday. I can subtly and slowly blackout in the presence of my extended family, and it gives me a week off from going to classes and pretending to pay attention. Despite being incredibly thankful for both of those opportunities, I do have a bone to pick with it. Most people see Thanksgiving, and see friends and family getting together and eating food. I see cultural appropriation. Appropriation of what culture, you might ask? My culture. Here’s why:
When people eat thousands of calories worth of food, and start drinking at 11am on Thanksgiving, it’s considered “festive”, but when I do it on a random Tuesday in February, it’s considered “self destructive” and “a cry for help”. What makes Thanksgiving so special that it’s acceptable for everyone to shove food down their throats as fast as they can, but it’s still frowned up for me to eat an entire can of Pringles in a Stop and Shop bathroom because I left my debit card at a bar and don’t have any cash to buy them. And for the record, that situation is completely hypothetical and I’ve definitely not done that multiple times.
All I see on Thanksgiving is a bunch of bandwagoners and fair weather fans. Oh you like to eat and drink while watching football until you pass out once a year? I’ve been doing that every weekend since I can remember. And don’t come at me talking about having a food baby. You haven’t experienced a food baby until you’ve crushed a large Dominos pizza at 10am, and you still eat the buffalo chicken sub that came free with it, because you’re a Domino’s rewards member. Once again, completely hypothetical situation.
Black Friday is also sort of pointless. I don’t need a holiday to remind me to spend my money on stupid shit I don’t need. Black Friday is basically the white people version of the Ferguson riots. Because black people riot for police brutality, we riot for kitchen appliances.
Also stop taking Snapchats and Instagrams of your Thanksgiving dinner plate. It’s not special. Literally every person in the country is eating the exact same food.
So when you’re at Thanksgiving tomorrow, don’t think about the Pilgrims who risked everything to head to an random continent to find religious freedom. Don’t think about The Native Americans/Native people/whatever we’re calling them this week. Think about me, and how I basically celebrate Thanksgiving everyday, because I eat 2,000 calorie dinners at 2pm daily. Nevertheless, I persisted.