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I think I have stalker?

When I started this website, I knew I was exposing myself to some risks. My future job prospects could be jeopardized (not sure I had any),  I could lose the approval of my family (once again, probably didn’t have it in the first place), and girls would most likely swoon over me in an overwhelming fashion. These are all consequences I expected, but what I never could have predicted, is that I would have a Facebook stalker. Now, you might naturally assume its a beautiful woman, possibly multiple, all with raging fantasies of having a fairy tale night with me, the 21st century prince charming who lives at home with his parents, and only streams of income are from Google ad revenue and selling jokes to semi-famous comedians. I know it doesn’t get bigger than that. But on the contrary, my stalker is actually just some gay kid from a couple towns over who randomly friended me, and won’t stop messaging me. (These are just a small sample)

dm 1dm 2dm 3

At first, I respected the game. Shooters shoot, and honestly, I don’t mind being shot on once in a while. Everyone needs that self esteem boost, even if its from a random gay guy on the internet (not that there’s anything wrong with that). So I just opened the message and left him on read, hoping he would get the idea and move on to the next one. That was not the case, and he made it quite clear that he wouldn’t leave without an answer. So then I decided I would just politely give him one word answers until he stopped. That tactic has worked on me enough that I assumed it would work on him. Nope. So since then, our boy has just been sending me messages all morning, and I just keep on opening them, praying to God that its not a dick pic.

The thing is, this kid has terrible game. You think you’re gonna woo me with those lines? If you’re going to try to seduce me via Facebook messenger, at least have the decency to use some proper grammar. Toss in a compliment once in a while. He’s not exactly Hitch, is he? Then again, I do have to respect someone sending a “Wyd?” text while the sun is out on a Tuesday. No days off, I guess.

With all that said, I’m sort of down for a stalker. I need that type of excitement in my life right now. I need to be chased. Like the running of the bulls, except its just a gay guy chasing me. I want someone to constantly test my elusiveness and nimble footwork. Is there anything more thrilling than being hunted by another man?

Also, I have no clue how girls deal with this stuff on a daily basis. Like if this happened to me regularly, I would set everything with internet connection on fire. Gone are the days when I could just innocently scroll through Facebook to read statuses of kids I went to high school with trying to sell weed despite being in their mid twenties.

So shout out to this kid for never stopping not stopping, and if I go missing or end up in a dumpster in the near future, you guys have a pretty good idea of who the suspect is. Just a typical Tuesday in the blog life for me.

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