As per the previous article, I spent most of my morning applying for an exorcism since I’ve become increasing aware of the ghouls, ghosts, and goblins that surround me in my day to day life. I fired off an email to a man named Raymond Scott, a sorcerer who deals with black (African American) magic, as well as exorcisms and hauntings. I figured that the situation was too far gone, and that my case could not be solved, due to my mysterious nature, as well as my elusiveness, both physically and mentally. I can’t figure out my brain, let alone a stranger on the internet. I even made it explicit in the subject line of my email that my demons cannot be drowned because they know how to swim.
So I moved on with my day, wooing women with awkward eye contact, accidentally ordering the wrong sized coffee but being too nervous to say anything after the fact, and getting the meat sweats after eating my two buffalo chicken sandwiches at a much too rapid pace. A typical Monday overall. That was until I got received an answer from Sorcerer Raymond Scott.
Were you complimented by a wizard today? Because I was. Everyone else is slugging through their Mondays at work or in class, going through the motions, while I’m befriending dark magic experts on the internet.
I was stuck at a crossroads at this point, because I really did not expect an answer back. I thought about sticking to the online persona and acting like I was completely serious, but he seemed like a normal dude who picked up on the joke. He also offered to give me a free reading, so it was cool of him to go along with the whole thing.
He needed a picture of me to complete the reading, and I’m not going to lie, my pedophile meter went off. When a stranger asks you to send a picture of yourself, typically you shouldn’t, but I’m far from typical. So I decided to send Sorcerer Raymond Scott a picture of myself looking like the biggest pedophile I could, so just in case he was a sexual predator, he knew what he was dealing with.
Luckily, he wasn’t a creep, used the photo for good, and sent me his findings, which put a bit of a damper on the whole situation.
So it looks like I have six demons. One seems like a bit of a dick, three are average Joe’s, and the rest look like huge pussies. Honestly, if the level 9 demon is truly controlling me and everyone around me, he’s doing a good job. Definitely better than I could do. I’m actually thankful he stepped up and took a portion of my workload off my shoulders. That’s the type of leadership I look for in a demonic figure.
I’ll let the level 6 demons do what they want, since fear and irritation are both emotions I’m not capable of feeling. The level 1 demons should just be happy to be there. They’re like the fat girl in a group of hot friends.
I also have two male spirits hanging around, which I honestly don’t mind. I like to think of them sort of like an entourage. Just guys being dudes slapping each other with towels in the locker room
Lastly, how about one of my friends giving me a demon like its an STD? The audacity. The silver lining is that I tested negative for any ghouls or goblins, so at least I can sleep well knowing I don’t have to deal with any of those bastards.
Overall, its been a heck of a day. I opened my computer this morning looking for someone to perform an exorcism on me, and I’m closing my computer with Sorcerer Raymond Scott being my new best friend. Just goes to show that if you email strangers on the internet in hopes of having them extract a demon out of your body, it will always end well.
So if you ever need someone to meet your sorcery needs, I highly recommend my personal friend, Sorcerer Raymond Scott.