World News

Homeless man gets free ride from a garbage truck (because he was mistaken for trash and thrown out)

San Diego officials have completed an investigation into the near-death of a homeless person who was scooped into a city garbage truck by mistake last December and issued new rules to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

In a two-page memo dated Monday, Environmental Services Director Mario Sierra said a supervisor or designee will now be required on scene at every abatement.

Even for a homeless person, getting mistaken for trash and being scooped up by a garbage truck has to be rock bottom. I’ve waken up in some weird places, but waking up in a moving pile of waste has to be a tough start to your day. You know that moment of panic you have when you think you wake up in your bed, but you open your eyes and realize you’re in a completely different place; say a bathtub, hospital bed, or an Applebee’s bathroom? This is that but with a little more human waste. I mean at least when I wake up covered in piss, I have the comfort of knowing its my own. That’s not nothing.

I can not imagine the walk of shame home (home?) from the dump after getting thrown in a garbage truck. That’s the most demoralizing morning ever. Honestly, if you wake up in a dump, you gotta just stay there for a while and lay low. Make that your home for a week or two. Let the rumors going around your hobo village blow over before you go back. It’s only a matter of time before someone else gets scooped up.

If I’m homeless (I am), I’d actually try to take advantage of this. Riding in the back of a garbage truck might be a more efficient mode of transportation than an Uber Pool. I’ve pooled with plenty of people who smell worse than my trash. Also trash won’t try to make awkward small talk with you. I think this is how we get the homeless off of public transportation. Just give them the option to be thrown out.

I might start riding in garbage trucks. Just leave a bar, find a neighborhood with their trash barrels out, and just wait. Say what you want about Waste Management, but at least they don’t have a surge.

Lastly, I sort of want to do this for my funeral. Forget all the fancy wake stuff, just put my tight little corpse out on the side of the road on the next trash day. I might even go green and have myself recycled. Sort of like being an organ donor but not really. It’s like reincarnation except I come back as a milk carton.

 

 

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