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Illinois Governor drinks chocolate milk to prove he likes black people

RIP racism. I cannot imagine the bravery it took to get up on that stage and take a sip of that chocolate, I mean African American (it’s 2018), milk. There’s was once a time when a white man wouldn’t even finish a glass of chocolate milk. He’d come close. Maybe finish I don’t know, 3/5th of it.

Lots of people talk about how the dairy industry is killing the environment, but fail to include the part where it also killed racial prejudice in the process. Everyone knows that chocolate milk is the best chaser for swallowing white guilt. This reminds me of the time I bathed in strawberry milk in order to unify myself with the gay community. Or when I blacked out and peed my pants in a PF Chang’s to celebrate Asian culture.

I think the next step is to include our neighbors south of the border, and drink some soy milk. Or is it estoy milk? I have to brush up on my Spanish. Another fun part about chocolate milk is that at any moment, it can be swapped out for Flint tap water without anyone noticing.

This statement does bring up an unanswered question. Now that drinking chocolate milk is the standard for proving that you support diversity, does that make lactose intolerant people racist? It makes sense, because they literally can’t give a shit.

This also brings back up the debate about whether or not mothers should breast feed their children. My mom breast fed me, and even though the pediatrician advised against it, she still did it, because what else was I going to drink after basketball practice?

So congrats to the Governor for curing racism. #ChocolateMilkLivesMatter

 

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