Weird News

Students forced to take SAT’s and ACT’s over again after getting lost in the mail

COBB COUNTY, Ga. – A lost box of ACT tests has forced students at Lassiter High School to retake the exam.

Channel 2 Action News learned 220 tests taken at the school in Marietta are missing in the FedEx system, according to a spokesman with ACT.

In a statement, FedEx told Channel 2’s Chris Jose it’s “conducting a thorough search” for the missing box of tests. Students are now missing deadlines for scholarship and college applications.

If my ACT or SAT test got lost in the mail, I just wouldn’t go to college. Fuck it lets hit Afghanistan. As a senior reflecting on his years as a college student, I’m still not sure that 3 hour test on a Saturday morning I took 5 years ago was worth any of this.

The SAT test is stupid. It’s basically a test saying “fuck everything you’ve accomplished these last four years, I hope you remember freshman geometry and big words”. Thank god I learned all those Latin prefixes and bases, that language is really flourishing.

Also, me and standardized tests just aren’t a natural fit. I don’t fill in bumbles, I pop them. Tough to use a #2 when I always come in first.

People are already pushing to get rid of standardized testing in general, but the issue is, no one has come up with a replacement. That’s where I come in. I’ve mock out a rough draft of my version of the SAT’s, keeping some of the original formatting, while adding some new flare.

First off, I would still keep some multiple choice questions, the questions would just be more applicable to your potential college experience. Things you actually need to know as a university student:

Potential multiple choice questions:

It’s Friday afternoon, you have $14 in your bank account, how do you spend it?

  • a. Save it, eat at the dining hall, stay in and study.
  • b. Invest in an S&P index fund.
  • c. Take money out of your savings.
  • d. Buy a handle of rubinoff for $12 leaving you with $2. Sell a t-shirt from your website you’ll eventually start for $10. Use that to buy 3 boxes of hot pockets. Wake up Sunday with the previously mentioned hot pockets all over your sheets, realize you have no money to eat, so you offer to write your roommate’s paper for $20.

There’s an attractive girl in your class, what do you do?

  • Be funny and nice while conversing about common interests.
  • Ask to be in the same group for a class project.
  • Sit next to her
  • Completely ignore her until you’re blackout at a bar and she’s there, then show up to class on Monday and act as if nothing happened.

It’s the first day of class, and the professor makes it clear that participation is a major part of your grade. How do you respond?

  • Pay close attention to the lectures, and ask thoughtful questions that move the class discussion forward.
  • Stop by his office hours once in a while to keep up with work.
  • Show up and run your internet juggernaut from the back of the class, pretending to take notes, but you’re actually writing 1000 words on a ridiculous hypothetical SAT test.

 

I was going to write some essay questions, but apparently they were removed from the SAT’s. Cowards.

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