MINNEAPOLIS (WCCO) — A 47-year-old Minneapolis man is accused of urinating into a co-worker’s water bottle numerous times after she rejected his romantic advances.
Conrrado Cruz Perez faces one misdemeanor and one gross misdemeanor charge of adulterate by bodily fluid in connection to the October 2017 incident.
According to the complaint, a female worker at the Perkins Family Restaurant in Vadnais Heights reported noticing water in her water bottle tasting like urine for the past several months.
She said it began happening after she told Perez that she only wanted to be friends with him. Since then, she said there were about 15 instances of urine-tasting water in her water bottle at work.
I’m not condoning peeing in your coworker’s water bottles (unless they deserve it, of course), but honestly, if it takes you 15 different times over several months to figure out that you’re drinking piss water, I think that’s on you. I’ve never tasted urine, but I feel like I would definitely notice the very first time I drank it. That’s not something you overlook. It’s not exactly an extra lemon in the water. If it takes you over 4 seconds to realized you’re drinking pee, then the official ruling is that you like it. I know I just made that up, but I’m 100% sure that would hold up in any court of law.
I really cannot wrap my head around this woman not knowing she was sipping pee. I’ve peed in my fair share of water bottles. Enough to know when you fill up a water bottle with pee, that bottle heats up real quick. So unless this lady was drinking hot water in the first place, which is arguably even more psycho than drinking human urine, she really has no defense at all.
This lady spent months drinking urine like it was a Crystal Light mixer. This gives a whole new meaning to the term “dirty sprite”. That’s some serial killer, Buffalo Bill shit. Who knows what else she’s capable of. If anyone were to ever trick me into drinking their urine, I think I would have no other choice but to kill myself on the spot. I’m not sure how you go forward in life after this.
On the other side of the story, I’m not sure peeing in the girl you like’s water bottle is the most efficient way to get out of the friend zone. I’m no dating expert, but you’re not going to woo to many women with your own urine. Then again, maybe he was going for some primal, marking your territory type angle with this one. Who knows. Hindsight is Mad Dog 20/20, I guess.
So I really can’t tell who’s more of a psycho in this situation. I mean, yeah it’s definitely a weirdo move to pee in a coworkers bottle (unless you have a really good reason), but I think it might be an even psychotic move to consistently drink urine. Honestly, I think they actually might be a match made in heaven. Star crossed lovers, except, you know, with urine.
PS: How is it only a misdemeanor to consistently pee in your coworkers water bottle, yet you’re a sex offender if you get caught peeing in an alley? I’m not one to make political statements, but I think change is needed in this situation. Time to rise up.