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I applied for a new dating show on Lifetime, and there’s no way I don’t get picked

Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve been on a never ending wild goose chase to find love. Unfortunately, I have yet to strike gold, and honestly, I have no clue why. Do I have flaws? Sure, but it really should not be this hard for someone like me to get nailed in the ass by cupid’s rock hard arrow. I have plenty to offer. I’m a walking fertility clinic. A human food truck. Hitch, except I’m white. I think the issue is I’m going after the wrong demographic. Most females just can’t handle me. I intimidate girls and excite women. That’s why it’s time to finally grow up, and start pursuing women in a mature, grown up fashion; a reality dating show.

I applied for the bachelor a couple months ago, but it looks like I got snubbed from that. No worries, life moves on. Thankfully, I came across an application for a new reality show on Lifetime, the network home to some of the most well written and produced movies in the history of cinema. The show is ingeniously titled “Love at First Flight”. Here is the ad that I found on Craigslist (Monster.com for homeless people):

The brand new season of Lifetime’s exciting new dating show, “Love at First Flight” is now casting singles to find love in the most fun and thrilling way possible – IN THE AIR!

They say if you travel with someone and fall in love by the time you return home, you should marry them on the spot. Well, we’re going to put that to the test!

Our expert matchmaker will pair you with your ideal match and fly you both in style to fun-filled destinations and romantic adventures like you’ve never imagined. Once you return home, you decide what happens next! Is this the end of your journey, or will there be wedding bells?

What a concept. There’s nothing I find more erotic than airports and air travel. When TSA hits me with that “take off your belt and shoes” dirty talk, I just lose it. I can only imagine what will happen on this dating show.

So naturally, I went on and applied for the show, putting my best self forward, and hoping for the best. It was a pretty “run of the child sweat shop” application:

occupation

educationtv experienceweymouth johnheighthealth

childrenshow pitch

Safe to say I nailed all the answers. I really can’t foresee a situation where I don’t get cast.

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