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Henry the funny sex robot needs to stay in his lane

A new £8,000 ($11,000) robot called Henry not only boasts ‘superhuman sexual performance’, but he’s also apparently good at cracking jokes.

At 6ft tall with a rippling six-pack and brooding dark looks, this droid can also welcome his owner home and discuss their favourite TV show or film, creators say.

He can even woo them with romantic phrases and words to their favourite love poem or song.

Costing between £8,000 and £11,000 ($11,000 – $15,600) depending on optional extras – he is the world’s first ‘companion’ robot aimed at females.

In a new video, unveiled by Delaware-based makers Realbotix, Henry jokes; ‘What does a cloud with an itchy rash do? Find the nearest skyscraper.’

 

Hey Henry, stay in your fucking lane.

When male sex robots were first introduced into the world, I really didn’t see them as a threat, but this changes everything. Originally, the only thing that these robots boasted was superhuman sexual performance. Whatever. I don’t care. That was never my thing anyway, so it’s not like he’s stealing my thunder in that category. It’s not like that was ever my selling point. Me being mad about that would be like me being upset that Lebron James is stealing my spot as the best basketball player in the world. I’m never going to be able to compete, so why bother.

That all changed with this Henry jabroni. All of a sudden, having superhuman sexual ability isn’t enough, and now he thinks it’s cool to start cracking jokes and wooing women with his wits? Guess what, Henry, that’s not how it works, you can’t have both. You can’t be hot AND funny.

Really hot and funny people just don’t exist. That’s a myth created by television and movies. Just know that every witty, charming, and funny thing that someone like Ryan Gosling has ever said on screen, was mercilessly written and rewritten by a group of short, bald, ugly (and most likely Jewish) guys in a sweaty office. Gosling was an 11/10 since he was a child actor. You really think he ever had to develop any type of personality?

And ladies, if you ever come across a really hot and funny man, I’m sorry to break it to you, but he’s gay. Is that 100% scientifically proven? Not at all, but it helps me sleep me at night and feel better about myself.

I’m decent at one thing in this world, and that’s being able to write and say funny things occasionally. So yea, it doesn’t feel great to have sex robots step in and steal the one thing I have confidence in.

But then again, from what I’ve seen so far, he’s writing seems a bit weak:

In a new video, unveiled by Delaware-based makers Realbotix, Henry jokes; ‘What does a cloud with an itchy rash do? Find the nearest skyscraper.

Really Henry? You thinks that’s going to work you fucking hack?

 

PS: Is it gay to fuck a male sex robot? On one hand, technically plastic doesn’t have gender so you might be in the clear, but on the other hand, yea, it’s incredibly gay.

 

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