Weird News

Jeopardy winner plans to spend winnings on lifetime supply of Taco Bell

When the thought of winning $100,000 came across one Jeopardy contestant‘s mind, he knew exactly how he’d spend it: on a lifetime supply of Taco Bell.

Georgia Tech freshman Rishab Jain, who was a contestant during the show’s special college edition last week, told host Alex Trebek that he put some thought into the idea of winning the grand prize with a little help from his mom.

“She said, ‘Well, you eat Taco Bell pretty often’ and that’s really all she had to say,”

So far this is all air tight logic. Anyone who knows anything about finance will tell you that whenever you find yourself winning a lump sum of money, always, always, invest it all into Taco Bell. The only slip up here is Rishab is underestimating how much Taco Bell he can get with $100,000 by an absolutely ridiculous margin. I mean yea go buy the lifetime supply of Taco Bell, but what are you going to do with the other $99,000? If you buy $100,000 worth of Taco Bell, you better pray you live for 800 more years, because that’s how long it will take to eat that much. Taco Bell is so cheap I feel like I’m losing money if I don’t have a crunchwrap in my hand at all times. The ROI on a Baja Blast makes 2010 Bitcoin look like Prussian Franks.

As long as there are Taco Bells in this world, there’s really no excuse for anyone to die from hunger. I don’t understand why the World Hunger Organization isn’t just sending Uber Eats of Taco Bell to Africa at this point. As long as they’re mindful of the surges, they could fix that entire continent for $200. Sure, they’ll take some steps backwards in the diarrhea department, but you gotta be willing to compromise. I guess.

So open and close blog right? A little feel good story to get your day going? That’s what I thought, until I read this:

 Jain says as a vegetarian, the fast food chain often subs meat for beans in his order (he loves Mexican Pizzas and Crunchwrap Supremes) and the campus location, where he frequents, is very familiar with his specifications.

Ordering pizza at Taco Bell?! Hello 911, I’d like to report a future mass shooter. If you order a pizza at TB, you should immediately be placed on every terrorist watch list there is. Honestly let’s have him deported. Ordering a pizza at Taco Bell is like going on the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist and ordering a salad, because the sole purpose of both is to get some meat that you’ll regret right after you finish.

PS: How long until Trebek goes down for some #MeToo scandal? You know that guy’s into some weird shit.

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