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The Best Vegan Dishes of 2018

I feel like the most prominent issue with veganism is that the dishes are just too complicated to make. I read an article recently about how to make tasty vegan dishes (yeah I’m a little lost now that I’m done with school), and they were all ridiculously complicated to make. There were tossing out vegetables I’ve never even heard of. Referencing herbs and spices Colonel Sanders himself wouldn’t go near. Seriously, what the fuck is a chickpea?

That’s why I took it upon myself to educate the masses on some quick, simple, vegan dishes that fit my never stop not stopping lifestyle.

Heroin

Anyone who says that there’s no true American cuisine has obviously never heard of heroin. Just don’t forget that Narcan cream pie for desert. And sure, the drug will slowly weaken you until it eventually kills you, but so will not eating buffalo chicken.

That water bottle you left in your car but it got cold overnight so you drink it in the morning

Apparently there’s a new study saying that this is really unhealthy to do because the chemicals in the plastic leak into the water? Yeah, ok. Go drink Voss water you fucking nerds.

Gypsy Tears

Nothing better.

Pringles

Nothing like a snack that you have to fist to eat.

The edges of a PopTart

Am I a psychopath for always eating the edges of a PopTart first? No, but you could make the case for a plethora of other reasons.

Stickers

stickers

Mouthwash

People claims in unhealthy to swallow mouthwash, those people are idiots. Your stomach is just an extension of your mouth. If mouthwash wasn’t meant to be ingested they wouldn’t have made it the exact same color of glacier freeze Gatorade.

Crayons

Sure, I’ll admit I went through a crayon eating phase at one point in my life. Everyone dealt with the pressures of high school differently. So what?

The Gatorade you find next to your bed in the morning that’s actually spiked with mango Rubinoff

Sort of like a Starbucks espresso shot except less afraid of black people.

Plan B

The best type of brunch.

Flint tap water

I feel like we’re a Brita filter away from fixing this problem. Someone just step up and order one off Amazon.

Gabagool

gabagool

 

 

 

 

 

 

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