Weird News

American Airlines Passenger Wins a New Pet (she found a dead rat in her suitcase)

An American Airlines passenger found a dead rat in her checked luggage after a trip to Europe.

My immediate reaction is to blame the passenger. What did you have in your suitcase? A wheel of cheese. If a rat chooses your luggage as it’s new home, That’s sort of a reflection on you. That’s just bad hygiene, because I doubt a rat is chasing after clean laundry.

The passenger, Merry Cannon, told Inc magazine that she was joining her husband on a business trip to Europe when a series of delays, cancellations, and missed flights disrupted their plans.

Okay so we now know Merry is white, because there’s nothing white people enjoy more than noting that their flight was delayed. Also because her name is Merry.

When they returned to Arkansas, Cannon noticed an unpleasant smell coming from her bags — she told Inc it smelled “like a dead body.”

Always a red flag when your first frame of reference for a bad odor is a dead body. I don’t know what a dead body smells like, and I’d like to keep it that way. It’s honestly one of the few things I have going for me. If you’re so familiar with the scent of a dead body that you can scout it out immediately, I think you need to be taken into custody on the spot. Might as well have said it smells like your basement fridge.

According to the Inc report, an American Airlines customer-service representative told Cannon that the bag may have developed mold after being left in the rain before it reached Europe, but Cannon said she hadn’t noticed a similar smell before coming back to the US.

A little mold never hurt nobody. Mold is just nature’s preservative.

The representative then said the luggage may have been exposed to sewage from the airplane bathroom on the flight home and told Cannon the airline would compensate her for the damaged luggage only if she could prove that her efforts to wash its contents were ineffective, Inc reported.

Gotta respect American Airlines just pulling random excuses out of their ass. “Yea we probably either left it drenched in the rain, or it’s covered in shit. One of those two.” Also have to tip the cap to AA for only compensating her if she tries to wash the smell out first. That’s customer service 101. Keep them honest. No such thing as a free Hot Pocket. Can you even wash mold out of clothing? American Airlines knows there’s only one way to find out.

Cannon says that when she returned home, she started washing clothes from the bag and still noticed the smell. Then she found the rat.

Prank!

“I screamed, ran inside, started washing my hands over and over,” she told Inc. “I was just crying.”

Wait hold up. Ran inside? Where do you do your laundry? Down by the river? Also at this point, wouldn’t you be sort of relieved that it was just a rat? The other two options were mold and shit. This woman had no problem hand scrubbing those two, but all of a sudden can’t stomach a dead animal? She notes how she washed her hands over and over, as if she wasn’t going to do that anyway, back when the consensus was either poop or mold.

She told Inc that a local health department official suggested she burn the bag, citing concerns about bubonic plague.

A bit dramatic? Really, the bubonic plague? I think we can moved past the bubonic fucking plague. If I ever die from that, preserve my body, because one day I want to be brought back to life just so I can kill myself out of embarrassment . If you catch the bubonic plague, and there isn’t a medieval castle within a mile of your location, that’s on you. Unless your a blacksmith or a cobbler you have no excuse. The only time it’s acceptable to die of the bubonic plague is if the main form of currency used at the time is cows.

And how about the health department suggesting she burn the bag? No yea just bring it out back, cover it in lighter fluid, and set it ablaze for the whole neighborhood. That’s a completely normal solution to this situation.

“The whole bag was destroyed as the health department requested,” Cannon told Business Insider.

Holy shit she actually did it.

An American Airlines representative told Business Insider that Cannon was given $1,600 as a result of the incident. Cannon suggested to Inc that the bag and the clothing in it were worth more.

Okay relax. I don’t even value my life at $1,600. I’ve already put it in writing on this very site that I’d kill myself for $800. That’s not self hatred, that’s just a business valuation. Take the money and be happy.

 

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