I was sitting on the train the other day, minding my own (very important) business, reading a book (not to brag). I wasn’t going to go into it, but since you asked, it was “Letters from the Earth” by Mark Twain AKA Sammy Clem. A classic case of real recognizing real. Genius writer recognize genius writer. Pour one out for the dead homie.
Anyway, the guy sitting next to me is also minding his own (less important) business reading something off a kindle, a book that I assume is of lesser stature. Possibly Twilight or the Bible. You know, books about shit that never happened. And of course when I say he was sitting next to me, I mean two seats over. I refuse go shoulder to shoulder with anyone on public transportation. I will only sit down if I see three seats in a row open. I’m not an animal.
He starts looking over at me once in a while, and I’m like “here we go, first cat call (of many) of the day”. Granted I did put myself together that morning, and I was 1000% asking for it. You put out the goods and people are gonna come to the bakery. But don’t get too excited because the back door’s locked.
Finally, he taps me on the shoulder and says “you know you should get a kindle, they hold 15,000 books at once.”
Now obviously I politely took his suggestion, because that’s about as far as my social skills can take me, but inside, my brain was doing tornado kicks. First off, why the fuck is this guy talking to me? Rule #1 of public transportation is to not acknowledge anyone else’s existence. That’s going to get you killed, molested, or my personal worst fear, stuck in a small talk conversation. Honestly this guy was lucky my rape whistle wasn’t in it’s usual holster.
Also, 15,000 books? You know how many books I’ve read in my lifetime? Maybe 8. The book I’m reading right now? I bought it two weeks ago in Portland (yea I went to a Portland bookstore and bought a book of Mark Twain short stories. It’s called culture you fucking peasants). I’m still on page 6. The book before that? (BJ Novak’s “One Last Thing”) I’ve had it for maybe two years and am about a quarter of the way through it.
Then he goes “it’s also much better on your eyes”. Uh thank, man, but I’m already blinded by the haters and my bright future. His statement is also 10000% not true. I spend 90% of my day with my face an inch away from my phone, you think the lack of back light on your kindle is going to save me? I looked straight into the sun during the eclipse last year. You think I’m scared of written words.
Books are, and will forever be superior to kindles. First, if you’re using a kindle then no one can see what book you’re reading, which is 90% why I read in public. I’m still waiting for the time when I come across a girl across from me reading the same book. Unfortunately, that’s a pretty big long shot since I have yet to see anyone else reading Mein Kampf in public. She’s out there though, I’ll wait.
Also, books obviously serve as great weapons. There’s no doubt in my mind I could kill someone with a Harry Potter book (hardcover, of course). You give me Catcher in the Rye and I’ll do way more damage than the guy who shot Lennon.
So anyway, I bought a kindle. Did you know it holds 15,000 books?