Drake vs. Pusha T, Trump vs. Kim, me vs. Mitch Martinez’s mom. What a week for beefs. After I posted the blog last night I thought that would be the end of it. I assumed my girl Darlene would realize that I’m not someone to go word vs. word against on the internet. Physically I’m a huge pussy, but when it comes to being mean in writing I’m the Undertaker (wrestling’s real, right?).
She emailed me a couple more times spouting more out of order sentences and phrases, but it was past midnight at that point, and daddy needs his beauty sleep. I only got two naps in yesterday, and boy did it show.
Then one of my goons sent me her Facebook page, which honestly trumps everything else that has happened so far. (Did you not expect me to find this, Darlene? I got shooters out the D League. I have more eyes on you then the Feds have on your son. You think this blog shit is a game? This is real life, Darlene.)
First she posted this:
First off, what’s the deal with the soccer balls? I’m just as excited for the World Cup as you are but I don’t see the relevance right now.
Did I pick apart your son’s Facebook? No, I mostly stuck with the angle of him being attracted to little kids. Thought that story was a bit more thiccc and juicy. Did I make his Facebook look bad? Eh, I think he did that on his own.
Do I like news? I guess? The mainstream media is definitely a complex and compelling subject in this current political state, but once again, not sure what that has to do with any of this.
Does the fact that I like news make me want to meet you? I’ll be honest Darlene, I’m not really following the connection between the two questions.
Then she followed up with another one:
This one stung a little bit. I’m trying my best, Darlene. It’s a competitive business. Open invite to any of my stand ups shows though. I’ll spot your cover and everything. I’d invite your son too, but most shows are 18+ so that’s not really his scene.
I’m also too young for the gong show reference so I can’t really comment on that.
And still, what’s up with the soccer balls? It’s actually really starting to freak me out.
Then she dug up some OG TFATB videos that I honestly forgot about:
Credit to you, Darlene, I laughed out loud when I read this. Mostly because the “I get high” quote you referenced, is actually “I get high off of carbs”. Also your son gets high off little kids. Boom, roasted.
It only gets better (somehow):
“Hope she is over 18″…..Darlene you know your son was arrested for child porn, right? I’m almost more offended by the lack of self awareness than I am the pedophilia. Maybe do a little self reflection. “Mirror on the wall, who’s son looks at little kids while he plays with his balls?” And yes, Darlene, I do need a nanny. I’d offer the job to you, but you already fucked up one kid with your parenting skills so I’ll stay clear of that.
Also it’s you’re*
Then she ends strong with this one:
Darlene, I’m not sure why you’re obsessed with visualizing me in bed with a woman, but please stop. Now everyone else reading this is visualizing it and everyone’s day is ruined. At least let people eat first.
Once again, hard to play the over 18 card when your son is a pedophile. Is she drunk? Honestly, probably. Because unlike your son, I hang out with people my age who can legally drink.
And I have to apologize I’m not familiar with the word “vulantary”. She spelled that so incorrectly when she right clicked the red squiggly line, she probably got the “yea I don’t know what the fuck you’re trying to spell” pop up.
So that’s where we are at right now. I have a feeling this won’t be the end of this. Which is awesome, because there’s no other way I’d rather spend an 80 degree June day than sitting on my computer fighting Mitch Martinez’s mom.
PS: The sexual tension between Darlene and I is so high right now.