You probably know by now that the missed connection page on Craigslist is my favorite thing on the internet. I haven’t done one of these in a while and I’m not sure why. Gonna try to start pumping them out on a weekly basis. Let’s dive in:
Is “a ride in my plow truck” a sexual euphemism? I hope so because it’s June. I’m pretty sure plow truck season is behind us.
Nothing like closing deals at a pizza place. Pizzerias are the new golf courses. It’s where business happens. Also what could have possibly happened during the first round of negotiations that you went to Craigslist to set up a follow up meeting?
Apparently he likes cookies and cream a little too much. This might be the best one yet. Making the subject line “Guy who had a stroke” is so fucking funny. Just looking for that fellow who had a deadly blood clot. Also he likes ice cream.
What sort of conversations are these people having? That conversation must have went real dark real fast. It’s one thing to change topics, but to go from ice cream preferences to near death experiences? I just don’t have the social skills to keep up.
Nothing but respect for this guy using the missed connection section of Craigslist to invite girls out on his boat. “A ride with no tan lines” is code for going nude, right? He tried to sound cool there but ended up coming off 1000 times more creepy.
A lot to unpack here. First, anyone who compares a girl to the “yummiest butter ever” needs to be locked up immediately. Then again, I feel like “yummy” is such an undervalued adjective. I honestly might start incorporating it into my day to day convos with the boys. “Dude where’d you get that shirt? It’s fucking yummy.” “Anyone tryna crush some yummy drinks later?”
Also how about this guy not wanting to make this girl uncomfortable by asking her out, so he decides to take it to Craigslist? Yea I’m sure she feels real comfortable now.
I’ll be honest I gasped when he referred to himself as a “sweet little cuddle nugget”.
It’s one thing to find love in a hopeless play, but the Lynn Court blows that completely out of the water. Honestly, I wouldn’t hold your breath for that call. Service isn’t too great within the prison walls of Walpole. And if she does call prepare for it to be collect.
Bulging calves, capped delts carved from stone, biceps bulged. Dude I think you’re sitting across from The Rock. Her forearms twitched with muscle as she texted? Is she carving the messages into stone? Is she using a typewriter? How much pressure does one need to exude to send a text?
Big Harry where you at? Will the real Big Harry please stand up. Once again, sort of feel like Big Harry is a sexual reference. Big Harry what? I think there’s more to this name. You gotta earn the title of “Big Harry”. There’s a story behind that nickname.
First off, not sure the missed connections section is the correct place to advertise your honey bee removal service. But once again, honey bee removal could be sexual code. I can’t keep up with the internet slang.
Also I feel like this is a deal. Free swarm removal? I’m not sure what the market rate for that service is, but this guy is undercutting his competition like a motherfucker.
AND he’s going to pull up with two pounds of free honey? Great. Then again, maybe a bit excessive. Is two pounds of honey a lot? Definitely, right? How much honey is this guy pumping out of these bees that he’s willing to give out pounds of it to random strangers on Craigslist? Regardless, I’m intrigued, and will probably end up calling him.